LOVING TWO

Chapter Fifty-One: Ticking Bomb

It had been three weeks since the last time I heard about James. After the burial of the loving Ms. Emma Dawson, James had suddenly disappeared. Nobody knew anything about his whereabouts. I had seen Jake around school but every time I tried to get close to him he would avoid me. I tried reaching to Miles to see if he knew anything about James but he would only shrug it off and walk away. I was slowly going insane inside my head. I needed to know if he was okay but clearly it was going to be impossible. So I kept on living day by day without enough reason to continue. I had lost the love of the most two important guys in the world besides my father. One I loved with tenderness and care. The other I loved insanely. Yet he was nowhere to be found. I knew he needed me as much as I needed him. So I continued to wait for him to come back to me.

Prom had passed and even though I didn't attend to it given the circumstances. I had heard it went alright not what everyone was hoping though. The sudden passing of Ms. Emma Dawson was hard on everyone who knew her. I stopped blaming myself for her death when Amy came over one night. Just like a book I opened up and just like a baby without it's bottle I cried to her for what felt like hours. She apologized to me for not being there when I needed her the most. With Ms. Emma passing away I saw life so differently. One day we are here alive and well and then the next day we might be gone for good. I didn't want to live life with regrets and holding onto silly arguments so I forgave her and we continued to be best friends.

She made me realize that it was Ms. Emma who willingly sacrificed her life for mine. I didn't have anything to do with her decision nor could I had done anything to prevent what was already destined to be. I was given a second chance in life and I needed to live it to the fullest..for her. Even though I knew well she gave her life thinking only about her two sons happiness. She knew how much I meant to them and how it would destroy them if I had gotten harmed. Yet she never came to think that it would be her that they would miss the most. Jake walked around as if he was lost in this cruel world.

He had gotten pale and skinnier as if he was not eating and sleeping well. Every time our eyes met for a split second. I could see that bright spark in his eyes that captivated me with warmness was now gone. A bright beautiful light like a candle that was suddenly blown out and now all that was left was darkness complete emptiness. I felt awful knowing I couldn't hold him and tell him he wasn't alone I would always be there for him. Even though I knew well they both blamed me for their mothers death. Making me the last person they would want to talk too or be around with.

I needed to see James my heart cried out to him every minute of the day but at night I could hear it clear. All these lonely long nights. I dreaded when the sun would disappear and the moon would take it's place and the noise of the busy streets would die down. Everything was quite except my loud thoughts. The loudness of my heart aching and even though I cried silent tears each drop was loudly crying for James. I missed his sexy embrace the sweetness of his lips and his strong arms wrapping me close to his muscular body under the sheets. I wanted to find him and tell him how sorry I was. How badly I wished it was me that was laying six feet under.

If I could take it all back I would in a heart beat. I would tell him if I could've acted with the quickness I would've used my own body to shield hers. I wouldn't have caused him the world of pain he is going through now. If it was me who had died I'm sure Jake and James would've missed me. I also know there's plenty of girls out there who would love to date either of them. Eventually they would move on and be happy. I would soon become only but a lovely memory in their minds. Yet all that was only wishful thinking for what was done was done and I couldn't do anything about it. They were both tormenting me the worse way possible. While still alive they were pretending as if I too had died that terrible night.

Rose- Honey..You're still laying down?

Jazmin- Yes mom...I don't feel like going out today..