LOVING TWO

Chapter Fifty-Seven: The Confession

I had woken up extra early for a trip Amy had organized for all of us to take. I hardly had time to do anything else. I was always busy studying to become a kindergarten teacher and juggling mommy duty. So Amy thought it was a good idea to take a trip to Foothill Mount. I had never gone myself but I had heard a lot of beautiful stories of that place. For example it was the perfect trip to take when you were dating or married to someone. They say that the sunset is magically amazing. The stars shine brighter there than anywhere else in the town. The scenery of the hills full of exotic flowers is breathtaking. Though they also say the days get warmer just as the nights get chilly. Yet I was drawn to this place in my dream. The night before I saw myself standing on the very top of a hill screaming to the top of my lungs. However I can't remember what I was shouting all I felt was an extreme heartache. I woke up this morning confused about the dream and a bit concerned. I remembered the nightmares I use to have about Jake or James dying in my arms. I can't recall the nightmares exactly how I had them nor could I remember which one of them died. All I remember was the vivid feelings that still tormented me when I thought about them.

I stood up and shook the negative feeling off me. I was determined to have a great time and take advantage of some alone time with friends. Where there will be no baby crying in my ear or a mother nagging about closing my books to sleep. No homework to complete or disruptions whenever I would finally get a chance to relax. This trip was going to be my get-away ticket to freedom from reality. Although it did make me feel weird separating myself from Aquamarine for a complete day. I knew I would be back by night fall. Still it felt uneasy to not hear her sweet giggles or see her beautiful angel face for a whole day. I also decided to take this trip to get closer to Miles. After giving him a chance this opportunity of being alone with him came by. Amy was beyond excited to finally be able to go on double dates since her boyfriend Jean was friends with Miles long before she met him. I was not as ecstatic as them but I had to convince myself that my decision was for the best. I knew he would be the perfect Father figure my daughter would be lucky to have in her life.

He loved her as his own and he cared for her just as a real father would. Miles was the type of guy that gave me hope and trust. There was never second guessing when it came to him. I was sure he would still stick around years from now something I never felt with James. I was sure of his love for me and for my daughter. It was accepting a new guy into my heart that I had trouble with. It was easy enough to spend time around him and I grew to like him. However it was far away from Love. Still I knew he deserved more from me. I needed to meet him half way. I wanted to prove to him I could correspond to his feelings. I also needed to prove to myself I could fall in love again. Time and time again I found myself in wishful thinking. Wishing I could just switch my thoughts and feelings off when it came to James. However it was an impossible task to achieve. His touch was tattooed all over my body while his name was carved in my heart. From the moment I met him to the moment I lost him. No matter how hard I tried to forget it was all printed in my brain. All it had to take was to look at Aquamarine to see him.

Amy- About time you come out!..It's getting late to start the road trip! Get in..

Jazmin- Yeah sorry..I had a hard time saying goodbye to Marine..

Amy- Aw!! She's awake!?..Let me go see her!!

Jazmin- No Amy!..You'll take longer and then I'll go in after you...and-

Amy- I get it I get it...*Sighs...Don't worry Jaz the whole point of this trip is to let go and relax for a while...She'll be fine.

Jazmin- I'm not worried about that...I just hate leaving her even if her crying gets irritating at times..

Amy- *Laughs..Ohh...You are soo bad...

Jazmin- Ha..Try having a kid and then tell me if I'm being bad..