An explanation (y5)

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The morning passed and then the afternoon. Beadle the bard barely got me through it. It was finally nightfall.

I went through the day without interruptions. Just me and my thoughts which is a dangerous thing.

I began to plan how to escape? If it's possible.
How to get contact with Ginny?
What could I actually do whilst I'm trapped here ?

The door clicked as it unlocked from the outside. Draco walked in with his wand out. Of course he just used magic and didn't even ask.

" what are you doing in here?"

He put a finger to his lips to shush me.

" goodnight mother"

" night draco tell y/n I said goodnight" her voice gently came from outside.

" what about your favourite Aunty?"

" night bellatrix"

He closed the door just loud enough for people to hear.

"What are you doing ?" I whispered.

" they think I'm sleeping here" he walked past me to the chair.

"Here" he chucked something at me.

I unravelled it....It was a sandwich.

"What about earlier ?"

" I was just angry and bellatrix was there I had to do something"

"Thank you" I murmured as I bit into the sandwich.

" Its fine i shouldn't have reacted the way I did"

" this doesn't mean I forgive you" I reminded him.

"It never does"he smiled to himself.

" are you ready to talk?"

I rolled my eyes  planing how I was going to argue.

"Fine then I'll do the talking you sit there and listen"

I just returned to my sandwich as he began to talk.

" I know your going to be mad and will probably never forgive me or understand why. But you deserve the truth" he sighed then began telling me everything in a low tone.

"I got the dark mark last year when we got married I was also given a task by the dark lord , which was to kill Dumbledore" he paused taking a breathe.

"I've always wanted to be a death eater, like my father . But I see now he only done this to get revenge on my father because he failed him last year at the ministry"

I tried not to let the guilt sink in. 

" I wanted to earn it, not just be given it even if it was a punishment"

Of course for a second I was worried he was second guessing killing Dumbledore. Just like that any guilt I had vanished.

" but they also wanted me to fix something - it's called a vanishing cabinet it-"

" I know what it does I've read about it"

"There's one in the room of requirements and another at borgin and Burkes"

" is that what you were doing every time you snuck off ? the reason you stopped playing quidditch ?"

" yes" he looked down.

"So your how they got in?" I felt a stab of betrayal still hoping he would answer no.

" yes but-"

"so bill that's your fault as well" I felt the acid bubbling up to my throat.

He didn't answer.

I couldn't even look at him.

" I tried the cursed necklace first which as you know didn't work"

" Katie bell" I whispered.

He ignored me and continued.

" the-then I ". He looked at the floor ashamed.

" then I tried to poison him"

" no no no no no no " I mumbled  in disbelief. 

" I thought Slughorn would give it to Dumbledore "

I closed my eyes fighting the tears.

" so Ron that was your fault too"

" I didn't mean to - i-it was meant for Dumbledore"

" and that's suppose to make it better?" I wiped the tear that escaped from my eye.

" I didn't lie to you before though I was stressed and paranoid an-and I do care about you"

"No you don't" I sneered through my blurry eyes.

" I did this for you !" He harshly whispered.

He walked towards the bed but I didn't look at him.

" he said he'd kill me if I failed and you and my parents, so it was an easy decision and I don't regret trying to protect you all"

" what if you killed Katie or Slughorn or Ron or even Harry ? Then would it matter? what about bill? did you even see what greyback done to him"

"But they're alive"

" for now" this was the harsh reality.

" would you have actually gone through with it and killed Dumbledore yourself"

"I - I " he hesitated.

"I don't - I don't want to know"

We were left in silence.

" get out"  I mumbled.

"Ok I understand you need some time"
He got up and went to the door but he stopped when I started speaking.

"you want to know what Dumbledore said to me the night you snuck in the death eaters ?"

I took his silence as a yes.

" he asked me to forgive you for everything you've done and for the things you might do. He told me that he believed you were a good person. But all you've done is prove him wrong"

I felt my lip quiver. He didn't look at me he only stopped for a second then left.

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