Book Reviews 2 [SLOW UPDATES]

Review #1: One Night, Alone

BabyRose2

First Impression: love the cover!

Congratulations on completing the story! You have a very eye catching summary that is intriguing, and a great start with the descriptions of what home is like for Rue. Something I noticed is that you tend to start all your sentences with "I," and it gets a little repetitive over time, so I would work on sentence structure. Also, a lot of your sentences are really short and choppy, which doesn't flow very well. Make sure to watch your verb tense because you tend to switch from past to present, and vice versa. For example, in Chapter 2, you write "I started to walk through the alley, when..." which is in past tense, but then the next sentence is "one of the guys mess with my hair," which is present tense. I suggest choosing one tense and staying in that tense when writing about the same situation. Also, Rue's character is a little undeveloped and shaky, because his actions don't match up to his personality. In the beginning, when the boys throw the paper at him, he boldly wads up the paper and throws it back at them. However, you seem to portray him as shy and meek, which really contradicts with his actions. I also found a lot of the scenarios very unrealistic, especially the fact that he lost his voice just by someone stepping on his neck. I also thought that it was very unrealistic for two 15 year olds to have their permits, since the youngest is usually 15 and a half, or 16. There are some spelling and grammar mistakes that need to fixed when going back to edit. I also feel that some parts of the story don't flow, and there are many abrupt and choppy scenes. I would love to see more action go on, especially since each chapter is just Rue and Emily riding the car, singing, eating, and then it ends with them going to sleep. It's like a everlasting cycle that we keep reading. I would change it up so it doesn't seem so redundant. 

Remember that these suggestions are just my opinion, and this is your story, so make sure to write it the way you want it to be! If you don't agree with any of my suggestions, then ignore them :)

If you are feeling nice, I would greatly appreciate it if you give one of my stories a read, follow me, or give me a shoutout! 

Lastly, I'm trying something new with this book. 

If you could comment below and rate how helpful this review was for you, that would be great! 

(out of 5 stars)

- bluecrayonlady