Book Reviews 2 [SLOW UPDATES]

Review #16: Love at First Fight

TheWritingAngels and HackedByAWriter

First Impression: that's a really well-made cover

You have a really interesting summary that definitely captures the attention of the audience. I like how it's a twist on the original story of Romeo and Juliet. Great imagination! I like how in Chapter, you introduce the characters through the action filled scene. I was worried that there would be confusion because of how many characters there are and how they are all related, but you seem to be doing a great job keeping them their own person and not bringing in any confusion. You have really amazing descriptions that really aid the imagery. To get things straight, are these two groups rivals and they go on missions together to defeat the "Unspeakable?" Or is it like a triangle where they all hate each other? In one of your chapters, you use the "~~(A month Later)~~" time skip thing, but you don't need that. You just need to show us that time has passed through your writing. In their first mission, why did they want to kill that guy? Did they end up killing that guy's brother? You have great characterization throughout the story, and I can really tell the personalities of each person. I like the incorporation of their languages because it adds to the story. I also like how their relationship slowly develops as they closer. There are some choppy transitions that I found, like the raping part. It came really unexpectedly and so abruptly. It doesn't really fit in the story, because I expected her to fight them off. Where was the guy that was travelling with her?

Remember that these suggestions are just my opinion, and this is your story, so make sure to write it the way you want it to be! If you don't agree with any of my suggestions, then ignore them :)

Payment: art (please inform me when you've completed it)

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- bluecrayonlady