Book Reviews 2 [SLOW UPDATES]

Review #17: Pluto

CallMeMsFancy

First Impression: simple cover!

I'm not really sure what this story is about, or where it's headed because your summary doesn't tell me anything. Also, there are a lot of grammatical errors and formatting issues. For example, when you use quotation marks, the comma goes inside the closing quotation mark, not outside. Also, there are some run on sentences where you don't use commas or conjunctions. You should show us how the character feels, not tell us, and you definitely need more descriptions to aid with the imagery. I feel that more description will also lengthen your chapters and add more information to the story, so the reader won't be so confused. Make sure to also watch your verb tense because you tend to switch from past to present and vice versa when talking about the same situation. You should also change up your sentences once in a while, because some of your sentences are very short, which makes the story choppy. I also think that the story is moving a little too fast. This also has to do with the fact that the chapters are short, so it makes everything seem unorganized. 

Remember that these suggestions are just my opinion, and this is your story, so make sure to write it the way you want it to be! If you don't agree with any of my suggestions, then ignore them :)

If you are feeling nice, I would greatly appreciate it if you give one of my stories a read, follow me, or give me a shoutout! If you enjoy making art, I would love for you to make something for one of my stories, and I will post it!

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- bluecrayonlady