Book Reviews 2 [SLOW UPDATES]

Review #2: Memory Shards

alan71

First Impression: dark cover! really adds to the mood of the story. 

Your prologue is amazing. It's riveting, and had me on the edge of my seat. I really enjoy your writing style, especially your vivid descriptions, which were prominent in the last book I reviewed of yours and this one. I like how you slowly unravel the plot, so there's a mysterious aspect to it, and you kind of keep the audience hanging and wanting more. I also like the change in different points of views so we can get the full story of what is going on. Your vocabulary is very strong, and really helps with adding to the story. I noticed that a lot of sentences start with "he," especially the top part of Chapter 1. I get that you don't want to reveal his name yet there, but it get's a little repetitive, and I would work on using different words that mean the same thing to vary the sentences. There's also a lot of times where the main character gets knocked out, which kind of leaves me confused and in the dark. When I saw the length of Chapter 3, I was very surprised, because it was really long. I would suggest turning that into two chapters, because if a chapter is that long, readers might get bored. I was also confused on why he got tied to the pole during his trial when all he did was make eye contact with Natalie. I'm also wondering what Natalie's position is and what role she plays in this story. Also, are they in a different world than what he was used to in his previous life? 

Remember that these suggestions are just my opinion, and this is your story, so make sure to write it the way you want it to be! If you don't agree with any of my suggestions, then ignore them :)

Please do me a favor and comment below a rating of how helpful this review was for you! (out of 5 stars) Thanks :)

- bluecrayonlady