Book Reviews 2 [SLOW UPDATES]

Review #50: Lollipops

tifftheawesome

First Impression: love the cover!

I really like the plot idea, especially since you develop it very well. I like how there is great characterization of each person, and I can tell who they are and their personalities. I definitely enjoyed reading what you have so far, and you have a great writing style that captured my attention the whole time. For some corrections, in the summary, there are some grammar issues that need to be smoothed over, but those can be done easily with some minor editing. Also, I just thought that the sentence, "He just happens to be Emmett, Jordan's childhood best friend..." is phrased a little awkwardly, because when I first read it, I thought Aaron was also Emmett. There are many grammatically errors overall, so just make sure to go back and do some general editing. I noticed that you tend to not use commas when appropriate, so make sure to watch out for that. Also keep in mind the differences between "your" and "you're." You also have some mistakes between "there," "their" and "they're." You could also have some more action by Chapter 3, to bring in some drama. I would love to have more descriptions of physical appearances, setting, and just more imagery. There are also some spelling errors, one that I found was that you write "hanged" in Chapter 7, but the past tense of "hang" is "hung." Overall, this is quite a good story. 

Remember that these suggestions are just my opinion, and this is your story, so make sure to write it the way you want it to be! If you don't agree with any of my suggestions, then ignore them :)

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- bluecrayonlady