Book Reviews 2 [SLOW UPDATES]

Review #14: The Awkward McFlurry

-relatable-taco-

First Impression: cute plot

I really like the summary, it's short, cute and catches the attention of the reader. You had my attention captured the whole time in chapter 1. You also have really great song choices! I also like that you characterize them very well, and all characters are very well rounded. There are some formatting and spelling errors, but those are very minor. I also found that there are a lot of times when you are just describing her daily routine, and everything she does in her life, which slows the story down. I would work on cutting some of those parts out because we don't need to every part of her life. It will also help with shortening the length of each chapter because I feel that each chapter is too long. Some parts are also a little confusing, especially at transitions. They are choppy, and I end up getting confused on what is going on. I would work on smoothing out the transitions and making sure you provide enough information for the reader to know what is going on. For example, I would have loved to have more information on David Legends when you introduced him into the story. 

Remember that these suggestions are just my opinion, and this is your story, so make sure to write it the way you want it to be! If you don't agree with any of my suggestions, then ignore them :)

If you are feeling nice, I would greatly appreciate it if you give one of my stories a read, follow me, or give me a shoutout! If you enjoy making art, I would love for you to make something for one of my stories, and I will post it! 

Please comment below a rating of how helpful this review was for you. (out of 5 stars) It will really help me! Thanks :)

- bluecrayonlady