First Impression: well designed cover!
I really like the idea of this story! The first thing I noticed was verb tense. You change from present to past a lot. For example, in the first chapter, you started in present and then you switched when you said "...walking around the park, I saw a guy..." I would change everything from there on to present tense because you started in present. Also, there are some parts that don't flow very well, and I would suggest to work on strengthening your vocabulary. You tend to write "ugh" a lot, which doesn't feel right in the story. I would use different words to express her disgust, or her annoyance. I would also love to see more physical description on the characters and background information on her past relationship and why she is doing this. I'm also confused on what happened between Marco and Olivia, because all of a sudden, they are acting cold to each other and Olivia is hanging out Ethan.
Remember that these suggestions are just my opinion, and this is your story, so make sure to write it the way you want it to be! If you don't agree with any of my suggestions, then ignore them :)
If you are feeling nice, I would greatly appreciate it if you give one of my stories a read, follow me, or give me a shoutout! If you enjoy making art, I would love for you to make art for one of my stories, and I will post it!
Please comment below a rating of how helpful this review was for you. (out of 5 stars) It will really help me! Thanks :)
- bluecrayonlady
YOU ARE READING
Book Reviews 2 [SLOW UPDATES]
RandomThis is the second book for Book Reviews! The first one is completed, so please don't comment your request there. If you comment there, I won't respond. Again, here are the rules! Submit a form to get your book reviewed! Please remember that thes...
![Book Reviews 2 [SLOW UPDATES]](https://img.wattpad.com/cover/66100079-64-k33818.jpg)