Book Reviews 2 [SLOW UPDATES]

Review #6: What?

BozeTie

First Impression: cute cover

I like the plot of this, but since it is fanfiction that I don't really know much about, there were some parts that were a little confusing. The main thing is formatting. The comma should be inside the quotation marks. For example, your sentence, "'Of course I'll email you the theme soon', she continues." is formatted wrong because the comma should be inside the quotation marks, like "Of course I'll email you the theme soon," she continues. Also, one of your sentences "Thank you Delilah!" doesn't need the extra punctuation after the exclamation mark. Make sure to work on your formatting when you go back and edit. Also, there are a lot of run on sentences and weirdly structured sentences that need to be fixed. The beginning was a little confusing; does Delilah own the photography store? You should also give more background information on Delilah, like her background, age, her family, and more physical descriptions. The story lacks descriptions, which gives it a bland feel. Also, I feel like in the beginning of the story, it doesn't seem to be going anywhere, like there's no direction that the story is heading towards, and it's just Delilah hanging out with 5sos and Little Mix. 

Remember that these suggestions are just my opinion, and this is your story, so make sure to write it the way you want it to be! If you don't agree with any of my suggestions, then ignore them :)

Payment: read one of my books (completed)

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- bluecrayonlady