Book Reviews 2 [SLOW UPDATES]

Review #61: Childhood Enemy

16Chocoholic97

First Impression: simple cover, interesting summary

The story itself is pretty good, but all the grammatical errors, spelling, and punctuation make it very hard to read. In the prologue, I found that the way you phrase the sentence makes it sound like Sawyer Benson is a different person from Luke's brother, so I would suggest changing it up to make it flow better. Make sure to also watch your verb tense because you tend to switch a lot. You should also give more information on her family life, or background information on their childhood so the audience can actually know why she acts the way she does. The major thing that you need to work on is not describing every little thing of her life. We don't need a run-through of her life and everything she does during the day. Just elaborate on the important parts that will play a role in future parts of the story. If you keep describing every little thing, the audience will get bored. Develop your plot and plan it thoroughly so you know what will be of importance in the future and you can focus on those parts more. I would also love more descriptions. This ties in with the previous point. If you focus on the key parts, then you can go more in depth, painting a clearer picture. I also think you should develop your characters more because they seem very one-sided right now, and there's not much distinction or personality. Shape your characters and give them depth. I also think that you can use more advanced vocabulary, especially since they are juniors in high school. 

Overall, the story needs some work. 

Remember that these suggestions are just my opinion, and this is your story, so make sure to write it the way you want it to be! If you don't agree with any of my suggestions, then ignore them :)

If you are feeling nice, I would greatly appreciate it if you give one of my stories a read, follow me, or give me a shoutout! If you enjoy making art, I would love for you to make something for one of my stories, and I will post it! Message me if you have questions.

Lastly, please comment below a rating of how helpful this review was for you (out of 5 stars) Be honest, it will help me! Thanks :) Don't forget to vote for this chapter if you enjoyed the review!

- bluecrayonlady