Book Reviews 2 [SLOW UPDATES]

Review #67: Oblivious

SamyuthaBaskar

First Impression: nice cover; summary could use some work

This is a good plot idea. There's not much for me to say, since you just started the story. I do notice that there is little action and no main conflict has arose yet. Usually, the conflict is developed or introduced by Chapter 3. I would suggest adding in the conflict sooner so the audience isn't bored. Also, I'm not really sure what is going on in the chapters because it seems as if you are just describing their daily lives. I understand that you are conveying the idea that her life is perfect and it will change, but it doesn't need to be dragged for so long. Make sure to watch your verb tense as well. One big thing I noticed was that you put your commas outside of the quotation marks. They should go inside the quotation marks, and if you use a period, exclamation mark, or question mark, you don't need a comma. 

Overall, this story has potential. 

Remember that these suggestions are just my opinion, and this is your story, so make sure to write it the way you want it to be! If you don't agree with any of my suggestions, then ignore them :)

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- bluecrayonlady