breathe// 5SOS

10

Ava

Jenni let me hold her hand, walking me to her office. She searched in the drawer and found her purse, handing me some money.

"I can't have that,"

"Of course you can, you can buy yourself a little something at pride,"

"Thankyou,"

"Can you sit down for me?"

I sat the other side of her desk, wiping my tears. My body felt all floppy, but my mind wasn't. She intimidated me a little because she was dad's boss, but she was trained and seemed nice.

"You don't have to tell me, but is there any specific reason you get so worked up? Usually your dad can calm you down, but not even I could calm you down,"

"I don't like the touching, or the light, or the feeling, or the noises, and it's embarrassing and personal,"

"That's a lot ay?"

"I hate the whole thing," I sobbed, "I'd rather go to the doctors,"

"Let me just ask you, what does Michael and Luke do differently to Dad and Calum that they could perhaps do?"

"Usually dad is there holding my hand,"

"So what if we got you to see a different dentist, and dad held your hand? Calum would still assist when needed, and do your cleanings. Perhaps today even?"

"Twice in one day?"

"He wouldn't do any treatment. You and I could go to an empty exam room, lay the chair down and get used to the light. Then I could show you each tool, explain what happens, and then we could visit Dan, who would use them,"

"Who is Dan?"

"Your dad's neighbour," she chuckled, "we can speak to dad, but Dan is lovely I promise,"

I covered my face, not wanting to cry anymore. It sounded like a good idea, but that was a lot.

She held her hand out and I took it, following her to an empty office. She put gloves and a mask on and I cowered back, thinking she'd tricked me.

"This isn't an exam,"

I sat down and she lowered the chair, turning on the light and explaining that this is when I need to open my mouth. She didn't want me on all the gas ideally, and if I could do this then I could do the rest.

Some of the tools looked scary, and some of them didn't, but I felt a bit more confident. She said I could have music, a toy, anything to help me feel safer.

And I knew it already, really, but having a reminder when I felt so overwhelmed was nice.

She emailed dad, and I fiddled with the bobble on my wrist.

"Now, do you think Dan could perhaps have a look without gas? Then I promise you don't have to sit on a chair any more today,"

"Why are you being so nice?"

"Because you have one of the biggest reasons to stress, and after watching today I can see how bad it is,"

We knocked on the exam room and the door opened, and tall young man smiling. He had dark hair, and a slight beard, but he had kind eyes.

"Hello Ava," he said, holding his hand out, "I'm Dan,"

"Is this your office?"

"It is," he chuckled, "would you like to take a seat? I could get you something to hold,"

"I just want to hold dad's hand,"

"Alright, sounds like a good plan. Tell me about your summer plans while we wait for him,"