breathe// 5SOS

96

Ava

"Can I come in?"

"No!" I shouted, because I didn't want dad to fuss about me right now. The door opened anyway, and I looked up to see Marcus.

"What's up?"

"My ceiling,"

"Funny,"

He crouched next to me and moved the hair from my face, making me look up.

"I'm angry,"

"Angry? I've not seen you get angry before,"

"I was having a nice day and mum and dad made me go to the dentist,"

"I know it's not your favourite thing, but they did that for your own good,"

"It hurts,"

"I'll get you some painkillers then, and give you a cuddle,"

"I want space, I want to be alone,"

"Okay, but you can't get rid of me that easily,"

I wiped my cheeks and sat up to take the medicine he brought through, then decided he would stay otherwise dad would come.

"I don't want to go to school tomorrow,"

"Why not?"

"Well, I'm confused about Julie. I still love her and everyone else is saying I shouldn't because she made me cry,"

"I personally think that what she did should justify not being together, but it's your choice at the end of the day. Before we'd met, and you were calling everyday, you raved on about how incredible she was- she clearly didn't do it back,"

"But dad said I should always forgive,"

"If you can forgive that then good for you. I don't forgive her for it,"

I sighed and laid under my duvet again, staring at my wall. Photos of me and my friends had been blue tacked up, and they were the only part of school I could enjoy.

"Maybe I just miss cuddles. I didn't miss her this afternoon, because Sam let me lay on his shoulder. Maybe I don't miss her and I miss the feeling,"

"That's a smart thing to say,"

"Lucy said it but I didn't believe her,"

"I genuinely think you don't need her, and I think this has proved how strong you've become,"

"Me too," dad said quietly, appearing from the door, "can we talk?"

"I'm sorry,"

"Things can be overwhelming, I know, but just like Marcus is working on, we need to try and start to control negative emotions in a mature way,"

"I don't want to go to school tomorrow,"

"Last week was rough, I'll give you that, but it's a fresh week and you know your classes. Mr Gold told me he was super impressed, and that you're sat next to a lovely girl,"

"Alyssa,"

"Yeah, and Mr Carter is always there for you,"

"I don't want to go to lessons tomorrow,"

"See how you feel in the morning,"

"I'm not going,"

"Poppet, learning is really important,"

"Just leave me alone," I groaned, turning away, "please just leave me alone, dad,"

I started to cry again and Marcus took my hand, the door shutting.

"I hate everything,"

"No you don't,"

"Today had been going so well, and now it's bad and my tummy hurts,"

"In what way?" he asked, laying beside me, "like cramps?"

"Yeah,"

Gently, he rubbed my tummy, keeping his distance which I respected a lot.

"This means my period is soon," I sulked.

"Are you sorted for that?"

"I have no pads left,"

"Well why didn't you tell mum or dad? You need them,"

I shrugged and turned, burying my head into his chest, hiding from dad who had walked into the room. Again.

I loved him, I did, but I felt weird and embarrassed. I made myself mad for not letting myself feel like I belonged somewhere. I knew it was here, with dad, because he was the one who made me who I am today.

He's the one who cared, who accepted me, who helped me when I was sick or anxious, who got me Milo, and new clothes, and makeup.

He's the one I trusted and I still hid.

"I keep messing up,"

"No you don't, poppet. Life can be tough, it can be hard to understand why things happen and the consequences of things, but you don't keep messing up. You keep pushing through things. From the day we met, you haven't properly given up once... you are resilient, smart and incredible,"

He cupped my cheek and kissed my head, taking me into his arms instead of Marcus'- they he hugged Marcus too.

"Both of you gave been through shit, both of you have come out of it stronger, and both of you will be loved forever. Being able to say you are my son, and you are my daughter is the most rewarding thing I have ever got in my life, and I would proudly tell every person I met that I was your dad. So Ava, and Marcus, if you ever feel lost, take a breath and remember you always have me,"

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the end

thankyou for reading both 'forever' and 'breathe', i don't want to let ava go haha. i really enjoyed writing the relationship between her and ash, and exploring so many different topics.

i hope you enjoyed it too!! new projects are coming soon : )