breathe// 5SOS

50

Ava

"I can barely lift the bowling ball," I grumbled, looking at the scores. Her mum and dad were both in the 200s, Julie almost there too, while my score was 63.

My coordination was poor to say the least.

Even with the barrier on, I ended up hitting the edge, and only knocking down a few. It was fun, I guess, and we got drinks and food, but it turned out losing wasn't so fun. I'd never really been in a competition but perhaps I was very competitive.

"Julie, why don't you give Ava a hand?" Lola smiled, "she's got it in her somewhere,"

I smiled gratefully and stood up, Julie following with the ball. She ended up doing it for me, while I lightly held her wrist as if I was guiding it.

"I wasn't good at first, it's okay,"

"Yeah,"

"Cheer up, go and talk to my mum about cooking or something,"

I nodded and sat down, taking my phone out to text dad. I told him that we had gone bowling, and that I had politely tried to decline because I had no money, as well as that I was losing.

He told me not to worry, and to take it lightheartedly because we aren't good at everything- I felt like I was good at nothing.

"Ava, do you do things like this at home?"

"No. Dad would, but it's not really my thing,"

"What do you enjoy doing instead?"

"Seeing my family, or dad's friends, or colouring and reading. Mum, dad and I watch a film some nights, and I cook with them,"

"How long have you been adopted for?"

"About a year,"

I didn't mind the questions. Dad and Viola had wanted to know about Julie too, and I hadn't been to her house much at all.

"Julie said you hadn't really gone to school much before this year,"

"No. It's all really hard, but because I read a lot, it's helped me with English. I have been to school, just not much for a while,"

I had my last go and then we took the strange shoes back and headed home. I brushed my teeth and got into my pyjamas, Julie pointing out that it was only 6; it didn't feel it because I was so tired.

"Usually this is when I crash, and dad tries to keep me awake,"

"You still get tired quickly huh?"

I nodded and rubbed my eyes, wrapping my arms around her. She did the same, rubbing my back.

"Well we could watch another film, or see if my family want to play a board game?"

"I don't know. Where is my air bed?"

"Oh, um, we didn't know if you'd just want to sleep in the bed with me,"

"Don't do anything though,"

"I wouldn't, ever,"

"I think I can play a board game, then watch a film because I need to stay awake,"

"Alright. What have you got planned for the rest of the week?"

I knew she was trying to keep my energy up, so despite wanting nothing less than a conversation, I answered.

"Dad and I are making gingerbread, I'm seeing Luke on Thursday and staying over at Michael's on Saturday I think, after seeing Calum's family,"

"You're busy ay?"

"I like to pretend I'm not,"

She giggled loudly and we entered the living room, her mum and dad on the sofa. They weren't as cuddly as dad and Viola, but I preferred their small gestures like holding hands and pecking their cheek.

"Do you want to play a board game with us?"

"We can," Lola smiled, "monopoly?"

"Yeah," I said eagerly. Dad had taught me how to play, and although I'd not played it in a long time, I used to win.

These guys were really good at games, so I might lose again, but it was a little more confident.

Julie went into the cupboard and got it out, helping her dad set it up. Quietly, I took sips from my water bottle and waited.

"Do you want anything else to drink Ava, we have coke?"

"No thankyou, I don't drink that and I've brushed my teeth,"

"Oh right, well if you change your mind then you can get yourself a glass. Do you only drink water?"

"Milk sometimes. My uncles are doctors, so when I was adopted and lots was wrong , they helped my dad re gain my strength and that didn't include coke," I hummed, "still working,"

"In what way?"

"I have a ton of medication to take in the morning, and I do workouts with one of my uncles, but it's all helping. I guess it doesn't look or sound good, but neither did I when I was adopted,"

"You know what Ava, you look beautiful, and healthy, and you're a wonderful person. We do not judge that you've been through trauma, and don't expect anyone to be perfect. When you're saying it doesn't look like much, or sorry over and over, it breaks our hearts. We think you're really brave and hardworking, so be proud,"

"I wish it was that easy,"

"Why isn't it?"

Her parents were really curious- it was weird that anyone would actually care besides my family.

"I don't know,"

"Stop beating yourself up for getting upset and anxious. Learn from them,"

I nodded and took Julie's hand under the table, waiting as the game started. I wasn't uncomfortable, but it had unsettled me a little bit. I didn't want that attention.

As the game went on, I got more and more competitive, joining in with the disappointment and over the top happiness; they made it really fun, and I felt no different.

I ended up in jail a lot, but also rolled doubles a lot, and my money was just going up, and up. They kept landing on my property.

In the end, I came second, which was an achievement for me against the bowling earlier.

"Good job!" Carl said, giving me a high five, "What are you doing now?"

"Watching another film,"

"Do you want to watch it downstairs?"

"With you?" Julie asked.

"We could leave,"

"You can stay," she shrugged, helping pack up the game. All of her family was so positive.

We settled on the sofa, Julie and I under one cover while her mum and dad did the same on the other sofa. I rested on her side, trying my best to keep up with what was happening. In the end, I gave up, drifting to sleep with the background noise of the film in Julie's hold, where I felt safe.