breathe// 5SOS

93

Ava

The doctors appointment hadn't been a massive thought until today, and I didn't like the return of a tight chest.

Milo was next to me, nuzzled by my face, and I could hear everyone else downstairs.

"Milo, I don't want to move,"

"I feel like I can't breathe,"

I took a staggered breath and he jumped to the floor, pulling my school bag over.

"I don't need my inhaler,"

"Good boy," dad said, letting himself into my room, "I think your dog is right bub,"

"I'm fine,"

"No you're not,"

He sat me up and passed me my inhaler, making me take it. It felt much better, but I hated admitting to it.

"You need to eat so we can get going ay?"

"No,"

"You'll be alright. Michael said you could stay, and take Milo,"

"I only want Luke in there when I get weighed,"

"That's okay,"

"Sorry for not being healthy,"

"One, it's not me you apologise to, it's your body. Two, you don't need to apologise in the first place because you try so hard, and we all have moments where we don't feel like things aren't possible, it's about learning how to manage them,"

"I don't want today," I trembled, clinging onto his top as I started to cry, "I don't want today,"

"It'll be okay poppet, I promise,"

"I'm so scared,"

"You know how it goes, and it's only Luke and Michael. What are you gonna wear?"

"Dad,"

"Hey, hey, hey," he soothed, "it's okay. It's okay,"

I didn't want to go today. I felt so insecure, and ugly, and stressed. Usually I'd text Julie but we had broken up, and Marcus was getting ready to go to therapy. Dad was really understanding, but I felt like I could explode.

"Stop pulling at your hair,"

"I can't go,"

"You can go, and we will tell them how you're feeling,"

"I don't know how I'm feeling,"

"Scared, and anxious- I think,"

There was a knock at the door and Lauren came in, making me hit my head on dad's chest.

"Viola said she is leaving, and can take me back,"

"That would be great,"

"You'll be okay Ava,"

I started to cry again, but I couldn't help it. I didn't want anyone to be close to me today, or talk to me apart from dad.

"Lets get some leggings on, and a loose top so you aren't too hot, then you can have some breakfast and take your medicine,"

He passed me the clothes and set out my deodorant and underwear, before leaving so I could change. The tears subsided a little, but not much.

I went downstairs and dad nodded towards the sofa, brining me a plate of toast.

"We aren't in a major rush, but we do need to get on. You'll give yourself a headache if you keep crying love,"