breathe// 5SOS

48

Ava

Viola had passed her driving test so we went out for a meal on Sunday. I got to wear one of my nice dresses and some sandals, which I felt really pretty in.

I enjoyed being able to feel pretty.

Dad has spun me around and my dress puffed out, Viola taking photos of the two of us. Instead of shying away, I dealt with it, because in a few months time it would be a nice memory.

Then, dad insisted on taking photos of Viola and I, as well as using the timer to take photos of us all; they didn't always turn out the best, causing us to laugh a lot.

Viola helped me do some makeup, because when I saw dad in a nice outfit, I realised we were going to a nice place. If I didn't look the part, I'd feel so out of place.

The food had been really fancy, but really tasty. At the end of the meal, when we got in the car, dad handed Viola a large box, which dozens of smaller boxes inside.

In the last one was a set of car keys.

Then, when we got to the flat, Calum was there with her brand new car. Watching her smile, and cry of happiness made me feel happy, because I knew she'd had unhappy times like me. Dad treated her really well, and it's how I felt Julie treated me.

There was no way she could get me a car, but if she knew I was upset she gave me a hug, or offered me chocolate when she had some. A car wasn't a small gesture, but the gestures were what counted.

Like how Viola had bought me a bracelet for Julie, then showed me how to wrap it. In fact, it wasn't Viola anymore, it was mum.

She was my mum.

"Right, you go and shower, I'll find things you need to pack tomorrow," she smiled, putting the gift on my desk. Later, I'd write a card too.

I showered and washed my face, then got into shorts and a vest top. They were comfy to sleep in, and I no longer felt uncomfortable around the house.

I planted my hair and brushed my teeth, then went back to my bedroom to grab the card. Inside was blank, so I wrote a message.

Dear Julie,

Merry Christmas!

Although we haven't known each other for a long time, I haven't known many people in my life for a long time. It doesn't matter to me.

Around you, I feel safe, and I can be vulnerable. You give the best cuddles, you make me feel worth something, and don't put pressure on me to be a perfect girlfriend. Relationships are hard for me to build, but ours is extra special.

I'm glad you accept who I am/my fears and my happiness- and I'm glad we spoke. Being with you always makes me happy.

I love you,
From Ava

Perhaps it was cheesy, but I didn't mind. If I didn't write down how much I appreciated her, the gift wouldn't feel complete. Maybe I didn't know the big words, or the right words, but I'd written it in my own way.

Desperate for the next day, I helped mum pack my things and read a bit to dad, before saying goodnight and sleeping. It was as simple as that.

**

I flinched when I felt someone's thumb on my cheek, shying away in the covers. 

"Ava, its time to wake up babygirl, you've got an exciting day,"

"What's the time?"

"It's quite late in the morning, it's ten,"

I hummed and shuffled closer to dad, slowly opening my eyes. He gently kissed my cheek then helped me sit up, my head aching.