And Then She Was Gone

Forward Down The Path!

In the time it took her to unpack her groceries and sort them accordingly within the dusty wood cabinets and small compact fridge, Elizabeth had rolled over her last words to Alex over and over again repeatedly. She was thousands of miles away from him, but she couldn't deny the fact that he was right and they had grown even closer during the separation.

She had changed in the month and a half on her own. The liberation of making decisions for herself and doing things when she got around to feeling like doing them had made a marked impact on her. Finally, she felt truly in control of herself. All the hard work and strict adherence to regimen to get here was only a mere façade, slyly convincing herself she was in control all along.

She spent so much time catering to the wants and demands of others; from her professors daunting academic requirements, her employers capitalistic needs being placed above her own basic ones, her aunts hopes and dreams, her uncles great expectations, and even her friends with their forced commitment maintained structure. She never truly realized how little she spent time reflecting on what she herself wanted or needed.

The only one who never demanded or wanted anything from her was Alex. Sure, he wanted her affection, but he never pressed her for it. He never was pushy and he allowed her the space needed to come around to her own conclusions and at her own pace. His gentle approach was what effectively ensnared her time and time again. Allowing her to be in control of how they proceeded, giving her one thing to firmly grasp onto that could be entirely her decision.

That smug bastard knew what he was doing, and he was good at it.

It never failed to amaze her, at just how well of a read he had on her. Maybe that's why he was so ready and able to give her the space she needed whenever she needed it, knowing in certainty she would eventually be back when she was good and ready. He was her constant, even during their intermittent periods of abstinence from one another.

As she stood there, lower back leaning against the grounded cabinets of the small kitchenette with hands propped behind her on the counter top, she thought over her situation as it pertained to Alex. He once again managed to get her to formulate the words she so closely guarded into audible reality. Leaving her confused on where they went from here at this exact moment. Should she bite the bullet and once again ask to be official or should she continue to proceed with caution and make a decision when her travelling was done?

It was a gray area to her, something which seemed so hard to navigate at present. She had in fact changed so much and she had only just begun to discover herself. The last thing she wanted to do was start and then stop again with him. Even though he was always waiting with open arms, she would never be someone to purposely tease him with her hot and cold moments. Her previous breaks from him always being something that bubbled and then ultimately uncontrollably overflowed, most certainly not being an act of careless regard for his feelings.

She wouldn't make this decision right now. She couldn't. Right now she had a commitment to herself and in order for her to be able to fully commit to someone else, she had to first be true to herself.

A deep inhale and quick shake of her head to clear her brain gave her the energy necessary to propel herself forward away from the countertop and towards her large lazy dog who suddenly perked up at the change in what appeared to be both her physical and mental state.

"I promised you a walk, didn't I?" she said with a grin, as Shelby clambered to her feet and began to circle her body around the floor in excitement. "Alright, alright, alright. Let's go." she said shaking her head in amusement as she made her way towards the door, grabbing her gray zip up jacket off the back of the chair positioned neatly underneath the dining room table, seamlessly sliding it on one arm at a time.