feeling unlovable

you ruined me

XVII

"No!" Emma shouted as Felix pulled her towards his car. She was feeling many emotions at the moment and she didn't know which to concentrate on. She was confused on why Dave had acted the way he did. She was scared at how he had acted. She was sad because she suddenly felt the need to kiss Marcus. She was angry at Felix for coming to the lunch table and she was fuming at how Felix had dragged her away from her friends and school.

Felix didn't listen to any of Emma's pleas as he shoved her into the car and forced the door closed, even as she banged against it. Felix jogged towards his side and as he opened the door, Emma moved to open hers but Felix had placed it on child lock the minute he found out that he had to drop her at school everyday. "Open the fucking door, Felix! I don't want to go with you!" She shouted at him as he sat himself down in the driving seat of the car.

"You ruined me, Emma." He suddenly told her. Causing her to shut her mouth as she looked at him confused. His jaw was clenched, his fists white as he gripped the steering wheel and Emma looked out of the window. She didn't want to be apart of one of his ragging fits.

Felix hated that Emma ruined being with his girlfriend. Okay, I don't hate it that much but... he thought before he sighed. He was starting to get tired of being with Ashley, what he did hate was that Emma ruined how he saw her. He didn't see her as this girl he ditched or this shy girl that thought everything was cupcakes and rainbows. He saw her as his wife and it fucked up his brain. He was use to the concept of not accepting the marriage yet now, all that was known to him was that he owned Emma Harper and that she was his wife.

Emma sighed as she leant back in her seat and let Felix drive her to where ever he wanted to go. Even if she kept screaming, he would keep driving. After a silent drive, the two pulled up to a beach Emma remembered her family use too go to on Sunday afternoons. She looked towards Felix who opened his car door and stepped out, Emma hurried after him. "Why are we here?"

"You're my wife, Emma. I should at least take you on a date."

"I have Marcus for dates and why would I go on a date with you?"

Felix turned around, waiting for Emma to catch up and he sighed as he walked backwards. "Then we can at least be friends."

"Why would I want to be friends with you, Felix?"

Felix shook his head and chuckled, turning around as he faced the waves of the ocean, "We've been friends since we were in diapers, Emma."

Emma stopped walking as she crossed her arms and looked towards her feet, "Yeah, before you ditched me for idiots whose oily noses shine brighter then their future."

Felix stopped walking as well and turned around to face his wife, "And why did you let me go so easily?"

Emma huffed and her jaw hung open as Felix walked past her back to the car and she slowly turned around to see him pulling out a huge silver flask. He sat on the hood of his car and took a sip, Emma walked towards him and sighed as he gestured for her to get comfortable. She sat next to him and didn't hesitate to take a sip of the alcohol when he passed the flask to her. "I let you ditch me because I thought I was making you happy. You've known this since I was able to understand the difference between happy and sad, I always let people's happiness come before my own."

Felix looked towards his lap, "I thought you'd put up a fight, I thought I'd be the jerk in the story that laughed in the sad ones face."

Emma took a gulp of the burning liquid, "You are that jerk."

Felix chuckled, "I think my mom wonders where she went wrong when she looks at me. I don't think she sees me noticing but I know she's disappointed in the decisions I've made. I saw it most when they found you after you went missing, but when I was with you at our wedding. She had that smile... and I knew she was proud of me."

Emma looked towards Felix who had always been a Mamma's boy. He was frowning, shaking his head lightly as if he couldn't believe his mother was proud of him. "She's proud of you, Felix, she's your mom. She just wishes you thought before you did stupid shit."

Felix laughed, taking the flask as he took a couple sips and leant back until he was laying against the glass of his front window. "Sometimes I blame the pressure."

Emma looked towards Felix as he ran a hand over his face and sighed, "Everyone thinks it's easy being a rich person's kid but it so fucking hard. Having to always look perfect, having to always have expensive things and never having to do anything for yourself which I'm not complaining about but... I don't think I've ever done something by myself and when I did, I ditched my best friend because I thought being with Alex and Aiden was me being perfect."

Emma didn't say anything as she looked towards the waves slowly hitting the shore and she took a deep breath and sighed, "When you said you didn't want to be friend anymore, it didn't feel like I was just losing my best friend. It felt like I was losing a part of myself and I was scared to come home, knowing my parents would smile at me and ask how my day was and I didn't want to end up laying in bed crying while my mom sat next to me and my dad made threats he shouldn't really be giving. I ran off to a café we use too sell cookies at when I was still a Girl Scout and you use too help me sell them because you knew I loved winning. And... these groups of teenage boys walked past my table and one of them stopped and sat down. I was so scared when he leant over the table to touch me—"

"Emma, you don't—" Felix was cut off as Emma spoke over him.

"I pushed him away and he got angry, saying I would be lucky to even talk to him. I moved to get up and walk away when his other friends grabbed me. It happened so fast, one minute I was pulling away and then I was outside, trying to push them off me. They were so close but then Kaila (Owen's fiancé) came and they ran off. I thought I was in the clear but she pulled my hair and threw me to the ground. She and this guy she was with beat me up while she—" Called me pathetic for thinking Felix would love me. Emma thought as she couldn't bring herself to finish.

"Why did you tell me that?" Felix asked and Emma laughed as she wiped away a tear.

"She left me there in the middle of the road until I passed out and when I woke up, I thought I was out for a couple of hours. It was light again and then I started walking home before I passed out again and that's when I woke up in the hospital."

Felix moved closer towards the girl sitting next to him on the hood of his car, "Do you know who those guys were?"

Emma shook her head, "I don't remember their faces."

Felix was hesitant before he pulled her into his arms, Emma tensed and leaned away. She didn't feel comfort in his arms anymore. "Why did you tell me?"

"Because Felix, you don't know what you did to me. Maybe it wasn't your fault that it happened but you caused me to not go to the one place I love being at. You made me not want to be in my house, be with my family. You don't realize the effect you have on people, Felix. When I was thirteen, not seeing you for more then twenty-four hours was like dying and then you just tell me you don't want to be my friend anymore, it destroyed me. And even after all that, I still cared for you. I still loved you."