feeling unlovable

why didn't you tell me you loved me earlier?

LXVI

Marcus sighed as he pulled up to Nina's apartment. He groaned loudly, looking down at the rose tattoo on his wrist. He could hear Emma giggling into his ear as she looked at the tattoo. He could feel her soft fingers tracing the tattoo and he could see her soft smile as she laid next to him.

Shaking his head, he slammed his fist onto his steering wheel. He can't think of her, thinking of her made it harder for him to forget.

"Why didn't you tell me loved me earlier?" Emma whispered softly as she traced Marcus's tattoo. Her back facing him as his fingertip traced her figure.

Marcus smiled, his lips trailing against the skin of her neck. "I was scared... scared you'd reject me."

Emma let out a soft laugh, turning around until her naked just laid against Marcus's. "Falling in love with you is easy, Marcus. I'd be planning our wedding by now."

Marcus bit his lip, "You'd marry me?"

Emma smiled, kissing Marcus's chest, "I'd do anything to be with you."

Marcus bit his lip hard, tugging at his hair as he tried to get rid of those memories. Those memories that were filled with promises that were long forgotten. Pushing away from the steering wheel, he leaned against his seat and blinked, trying to get rid of the tears he had kept hidden for months. He breathed heavily, concentrating in his breathing that he jumped when he heard knocking at his window.

He turned to see Nina smiling at him, he didn't return it but he rose his hand and wove. Nina opened the door, "Hey, about those papers—"

Marcus rolled his eyes, waiting for this night to be over, "Don't bother, Nina. I caught Fred in a lie, I know he set us up on a date. I'm starved, are you hungry?"

Nina sighed, nodding her head, "Yeah, I made a reservation."

Marcus turned to Nina, shocked, "Okay, cool."

<><><>

"This is a nice place." Marcus said as he handed his car keys to a guy in front of the restaurant before he looked back at Nina who had already gotten out of the car. Marcus might not have seen this as date but he would of opened her door for her.

"There's a long line." Nina said as she looked towards the line that connected to the entrance of the restaurant. Marcus looked towards Nina as he joined her side, "And... you made a reservation, right?"

Nina nodded, biting her lip nervously. She walked towards the man at a small desk as she shoved past angry customers. "Hey, why can this bimbo come through?"

Nina turned towards the man with a glare but before she could say anything, Marcus had the guy by the collar, "Watch what you say to my friend."

Nina bit her lip and turned to the nervous looking waiter that came up to her. She wasn't sure if she should feel happy that Marcus defended her or sad because he called her his friend. This was a date, right?

"I'm sorry, ma'am but you can't—"

"I made a reservation under Nina—"

"Oh, I know and I'm sorry but your table was given to another couple."

"What?! Why?!"

"The couple was good friends of the owner. I'm sorry."

"People make reservations for a reason!" Nina huffed and sighed as Marcus came to stand next to her.

"Is there a problem?" He asked as he looked towards Nina's fumed expression and the waitress nervous look.

"They gave the reservation away."

Marcus sighed, Maybe it's a sign.

Marcus chuckled, "It's okay. We can just go to McDonald's, it's down the road. I'm not to bothered, I'm starving."

Nina frowned and followed Marcus to his car. "I'm sorry."

Marcus turned to her, "It's okay, Nina. I'm not worried about where we eat, I'm just hungry."

Nina nodded her head and nervously walked towards Marcus who looked down at her confused. "What are you—"

Nina took a deep breath before she took a hold of Marcus's neck and laid her lips against his. Marcus froze as Nina kissed him that she leaned away when he wouldn't react. Marcus looked down at her with hard eyes, "I'm so sorry."

Marcus cleared his throat, lifting his head to rub at his lips and stood up straighter before he walked toward his car, "Let's just get something to eat."

Marcus hated to think it but kissing Nina had made him feel something he didn't ever want to feel. The kiss made him feel disgusted. It made him feel angry that she had touched his lips, that Emma wasn't the one. There was nothing wrong with Nina but her lips against his was so wrong that it had Marcus wanting to burst into tears or throw up.

All he could think of was how much he wanted Emma right now. He missed her and even if they weren't together romantically anymore, he still wanted to be her best friend. He still wanted to hear her whisper secrets to him and give him the latest gossip. He wanted to be a part of her life.

He hated to admit it but he didn't mind being Uncle Marcus. He just wanted to have Emma smile at him without pain. He wanted to hug Emma without having to worry about letting go.

<><><>

Marcus smiled down at the piece of paper in his hands and he couldn't help but wipe away a tears that continued to roll down his cheeks.

You are invited to Beckie and Pete's wedding.

He placed the wedding invitation on his desk and looked down at his lap when a small page fell from the little golden envelope. He picked it up and froze as he looked down at the picture. It was Emma and see was smiling widely as she looked up at the sky that erupted with blue fireworks. "She's having a boy." Marcus whispered to himself as he cried to himself.

He smiled as he ran his fingers over the photo before he turned to see Nina glaring at the a paper on her desk. Marcus's father had Nina ask him out again and Marcus couldn't say no after Nina had almost cried when he looked at her confused and with distaste in being more then friends. He knew it was wrong to lead her on but nothing romantic had taken place between them. He couldn't even go near her with out feeling uncomfortable.

He couldn't face to tell Nina that he was still in love with Emma and he didn't think he could tell Nina he didn't think he'd ever love her. Especially when Fredrico had confessed to him that Nina was in love with him. He didn't think he could ever make Nina feel what he felt when he found out Emma was in love with Felix in middle school.

But Marcus didn't know if he could pretend anymore. Especially when Nina tries to kiss him. He didn't think he could casually block her anymore.

But he didn't think he could ever kiss her without feeling how wrong it felt to him.