feeling unlovable

i saw the way you looked at him

LXXII

Emma could feel her heart shatter but that wasn't physically possible. It felt like it had been ripped from her chest and thrown onto the cold tiled floor. Was her face white? Pale? Because it felt as if all the life was slowly draining from her petite body.

This is worse then pushing a baby out of my vagina.

Is this what Marcus felt when Emma got married to Felix? Or was it worse, like when he found out she was pregnant and was kicked out of her life? Because god, no one should feel like this.

Emma's throat was dry me and she couldn't speak, what could she possibly say? Congratulations? Because fuck it, she wasn't happy for them at all. She had been happy he was moving on at the wedding but then again, she was more worried about the contractions she was having. Why didn't he wait to see me in the hospital? Emma shook her head, that was the last of her worries.

Did he love her? Of course he  fucking loves her, they're getting married... but he fell so fast. Emma sighed, she couldn't possibly blame Marcus for moving on. She couldn't have him like that. She just had a son for fuck sake, she would be a burden.

"When did you get this?" Emma asked after finding her voice.

Beckie bit her lip nervously, "Two weeks ago."

Emma was crushed with so much weight, she suddenly couldn't breath. Two weeks?! Then where was my fucking invitation?

"You don't think— he wouldn't— I'm his—" Beckie pulled Emma into a hug. "It's going to be okay." She whispered into Emma's hair before leaning away and wiping away her tears.

"He would invite me, right? I know we've... separated but we've been friends since—" Emma chocked on a sob before standing up and excusing herself to their bathroom.

Looking in the mirror as tears flowed down her cheeks, she clenched her fist and slammed it down in the sink before letting out a sob. She didn't think moving on would be this hard, after Damon. It got easier but now, everything is starting to come onto her to fast and she couldn't handle the pressure.

First Marcus marrying Nina and now knowing she wasn't getting an invitation.

Emma knew that her being their would hurt her more but it hurt to know he didn't even bother to invite her. She sighed, pulling a tissue from the box on the corner of the sink and dabbing her eyes before borrowing some of Beckie's mascara and making her way back towards the living room where Beckie quickly stood from the sofa.

"You can always come with us as a plus one, Emma."

Emma shook her head, putting a fake smile onto her face, "It's okay, Beckie. Thanks for telling me but I don't think I could go. I couldn't even handle looking at the invitation, how will I handle seeing him marry her?"

Beckie sighed and looked towards Pete who sighed and handed Damon towards Emma as she reached for him. He laid his hand on her shoulder, drawing her attention. "Just... think about it."

Emma nodded her head before she kissed both goodbye and ran toward her car.

<><><>

Owen smiled as he pushed Poppie lightly in their trolley down the aisle of the market. Poppie giggled, tilting her head back to look up at Owen who leaned forward, laying his lips onto Poppie's in a small peck before looking up to brake fast as he almost bumped into an older women.

"I'm so sorry."

Owen's lost his breath as the women turned, it was Marcus's mother who seemed to be in a saddened mood. Poppie climbed out from the trolley, Owen coming around the side to lift her from her armpits and help her up. "How are you, Maria?" Owen asked.

Maria turned to him with a small smile, "Oh, I'm okay. Tell me about Emma and her baby. The Haydens had been keeping her and that baby away from the eyes."

Owen lit up, causing Poppie to stare at him in awe. Since reviving a nephew, he couldn't stop talking about the little thing. "Emma's great. She gave birth to a boy and they named him Damon. Blond hair and brown eyes but we're still betting to see it it will change to green or blue. You should come around sometime, Maria, you'll fall for him."

Maria laughed, "That's great. I got a call from Emma a few weeks ago, she's always calling but she says his been keeping her busy."

Owen smiled, "How's Marcus?"

Maria sighed, "Fredrico, his father convinced him to marry Nina."

Owen froze, "Marry?"

"Yes, I got the invitation a few weeks ago. I'm just worried about Emma, had she received one?"

Owen shrugged before looking down at his feet, thinking of that letter he sill hadn't given to Emma. "I'm not sure but I have something to talk to Emma about and I'll ask."

Maria smiled, "I'll try to pop around in the week, my husband's been wanting to meet the sucker since he heard Emma gave birth."

Owen waved goodbye before turning to Poppie, "I need to talk to Emma."

<><><>

Hearing a knock on the door, Emma looked up from her bed, "Who is it?" She called as she looked down at Damon who was starting to become drowsy as she breast feed him.

"It's Owen." Emma quickly pulled a blanket over her shoulder to cover herself as she knew Damon would complain if she pulled out.

"Come in."

Owen opened the door and smiled as he saw his sister in bed, "Bad time?"

"No! Just whisper." She whisper-yelled towards him and he smiled and walked towards her and sat down. Emma looked at him confused as he silently stared down at his pants before he meet her eyes.

"I've been keeping something from you because I was scared what it could lead too."

Emma looked at him confused, "What are you talking about, Owen?"

Owen sighed and pulled a white envelope from his pocket that was folded in half. "He gave it to me on the wedding after he told us you went to the hospital and he told me to give it to you but you were so happy."

"What did you hide from me, Owen?" Emma asked, her voice hard.

Owen opened the folded envelope and handed it to her. Emma's body froze at her name written across the page and she clutched the letter harder at the familiar hand writing.

Emma grew suddenly angry, "Why did you keep this from me? For two months!"

Owen sighed, "I saw the way you looked at him... how he looked at you and I was scared."

"You were scared?!"

Owen shushed her as he saw Damon started to get restless from under the blanket. "You just gave birth to Damon and you and Felix were in a good place. I didn't want—"

Emma sighed, "Just go. I'll talk to you later."

Owen snapped his head towards her, "You're angry at me?"

"Yes, I'm angry at you for keeping the letter from me but I understand where you came from. I just want to be alone."

Owen nodded, leaned forward and laying a kiss on his little sister's forehead before standing up and walking towards the bedroom door and closing it without another word.

Emma looked down at the letter before throwing it onto her nightstand. Not sure if she wanted to read it.