Thomas Sangster/ Newt Imagines& GIFs

45. Don't Go || Newt

TRIGGER WARNING.

REQUEST:  y/n attempting suicide in the glade and newt gets a attack (?) y/n didn’t knew that newt had tried to kill himself

A/N: Changed the ages up a bit.

Two months into your official relationship, things got busy.

With Thomas’ arrival, you almost never had a minute with Newt alone. By the time you woke up, he’d be gone. When you went back to sleep, he’d be talking to Alby, Minho, or Thomas.

He always just smiled at you when events brought you in the same room. Dark circles under his eyes grew every day. He was always cranky and irritated but tried to control himself when you were around.

It was too much for a nineteen-year-old boy to handle.

You took it well. One night, Newt came in the room while you were still awake for the first time after a month.

“Hey,” his mood seemed to have lightened at the mere sight of you. “you’re still awake.”

“Well, you’re early.” you smiled, but it disappeared immediately. His did, too. “I miss you, Newt. You never show up anymore.”

“I’m sorry, love.” he frowned. “You sleepy?”

“Yeah,” you sat on the bed. “I’m really tired... I just want out sometimes.”

“You’re one to talk,” he glared at you, surprising you both.

“I know you’re tired, too, but-”

Newt laughed ironically, making you stop talking. “I’m beyond tired, Y/N. I have Alby making me do anything he doesn’t want to do - I definitely don’t need someone whining about my absence while I work.”

This was definitely the first time he raised his voice at you.

“I’m sorry, Y/N, but I can’t pretend to be sane for any longer!” his voice gradually got higher. “I love you - God, I do - but I don’t know if I can be who you want me to be right now!”

“Just be Newt,” you whispered, slightly terrified, “that’s who I want you to be.”

“I’m not Newt,” he muttered, turning away from you. “I don’t know who the bloody hell I am.” his voice cracked as he slammed the door behind him, leaving the room.

Waiting for Newt to get to wherever he wants to go before leaving the room yourself, you sobbed silently.

Then, you headed for the Med-Jack Hut, turning to the medicine cupboard.

Painkillers.

Well, you weren’t really sure if Newt’s absence - both physically and emotionally - could be cured by anything but him.

You took a handful, and after a deep breath, swallowed them all in one go.

Already feeling the side effects, you let your hands roam around Clint’s desk for a sheet paper and a pen.

With dizzy scrawls, you wrote - I’m sorry, Newt

That being done, you lied on the nearest bed and closed your eyes.

Not long after, a long series of shouts had you feeling nauseated. You rolled over to your side - lacking the energy to sit up - in case you were going to throw up.

“She’s awake,” the voice sounded like Alby’s. “Minho, call Newt.”

Newt...

“Yeah, Y/N. Minho went to get him,” Alby said, making you realize you said his name out loud. “Newt, he... he walked out after arguing with us,”

“Is he okay?” you asked, forcing yourself to sit up, but Clint gently pushed you back down.

“Let your energy come back to you first,” he whispered. You nodded.

“He’s... broken. You know how long you’ve been gone?”

You shook your head.

“Almost two weeks,” he said seriously. “What’s the last thing you remember?”

“Painkillers,” you murmured, but both Alby and Clint heard.

“Bloody hell, Y/N...” Your favorite head of tousled blonde hair rushed in the room. He took his time to look at you. You probably looked horrible, because then his voice cracked as he muttered an “oh, my God” and raised his hand to his mouth.

“You’ve lost a lot of weight becau-” Clint began.

“I know the effects,” you interrupted. “I am a Med-Jack.”

Weight loss, dark circles under the eyes, pale lips...

Newt then held Minho’s shoulder for support, his hand going to his chest as he began breathing rapidly. “I can’t breathe...” he mouthed breathlessly.

“Panic attack,” Clint muttered, placing his hands on either side of Newt’s shoulders. “follow my breathing, Newt. Focus on me.”

As Clint began demonstrating slow and steady breaths, Minho strode to you, massaging your arm soothingly as tears filled your eyes.

“Is he okay?” you whispered brokenly.

“He’s gonna be,” Minho responded, covering your eyes with his hand. “Don’t look.”

After a few torturing moments, Minho withdrew his hand. Newt was now seated in the corner, looking at the floor.

“Newt,” you whispered.

The others took it as a cue to leave.

‘I did this to you.” he said moments after the Hut has been emptied, except for you two.

“Please don’t say that,” you felt yourself starting to sob, but you swallowed them.

“Then what should I say, Y/N? Huh? You want me to act like I’m not responsible for this bloody mess?”

You waited for Newt to calm down before responding. “I want you to hold me.”

Newt stared at you incredulously. “You’re unbelievable.” he laughed bitterly.

“You still love me, don’t you?”

“More than anything in the world,” he answered immediately, bitter smile fading.

“Then hold me.” you began to sob silently. “Please.”

“I’m not good for you, Y/N,” he shook his head. “I’m unstable. I can’t protect you from anything but myself. No - not even that.”

When he stood close enough for you to reach, you weakly pulled his hand towards you, making him fall painfully to a kneel before your bed.

“Sorry,” you muttered, staring at his emotionally hurt face. You reached for his locks and began to kiss his hair.

“I’m sorry,” he whispered.

“Shhh.” you sighed, kissing a trail on his face to his lips. “People break... it’s okay. I’m sorry too.”

“Don’t do this to me again,” he muttered to your neck.

Cr: Tumblr