Blooming Flowers, Silent Sorrow

Chapter 93

Huai En rented a room at the inn closest to the Su residence. Having traveled from Huai Mountain, he had rested only two or three hours daily for a month. Exhausted, he collapsed onto the bed, too tired even to move his fingers.

He lay there, staring blankly at the ceiling, his eyes bloodshot.

Xiaobao was so close, yet out of reach.

He had just wanted to hold him, believing that seeing the smile from his memories would relieve his fatigue.

Huai En thought bringing Dali Yan might change something or make amends, but he had been too optimistic.

Xiaobao despised him more than Huai En could have imagined, even refusing to look at him.

For all his cleverness and capability, Huai En was at a loss.

He could only instinctively try to get closer to him, looking for a chance to revert to the old days. He knew a thousand ways to win hearts, yet he had no idea how to make someone change their mind.

When the inn's attendants brought up a wooden tub, Huai En soaked in the warm water and remembered the lascivious scenes in the geothermal spring cave—the damp kisses, the explicit sweet nothings, and their passionate union. He remembered every detail that made his heart race and could almost feel the texture and warmth of his skin and the overwhelming pleasure of being tightly embraced.

Overcome with a burning heat, Huai En's fingers stiffly grasped his lower body, fantasizing that Xiaobao was beside him, their intimacy fierce and desperate. As the heat spread throughout his body, his movements became faster, reliving the sensation of Xiaobao's soft, smooth palms against his manhood. The pleasure built until he climaxed.

After his release, Huai En leaned heavily against the wooden tub, closing his weary eyes. Resting his neck on the rim of the tub, he let out a low, guttural groan like a trapped animal before slipping into the water.

"What? He's settled in Dali?"

Su Yin nodded, "Xiaobao, sit down and listen to me."

How could Xiaobao sit still? "Su Yin, why, you..." He wanted to say that Su Yin had promised he wouldn’t have to see him again, but the words stuck in his throat. Su Yin had his reasons for everything, and the presence of Prince Shen and the Crown Prince indicated that Huai En was significantly involved. Xiaobao owed Su Yin too much, probably more than he could ever repay. It made no sense to trouble Su Yin, who had already faced many difficulties for his sake.

Su Yin sighed, "Xiaobao, I promised I would never let him enter your life again, but I can't fulfill that now. I can't kill him, at least not in a way that could be traced back to me, for some very important reasons—reasons that could sway the fate of the empire."

Xiaobao, pale-faced, sat back down and managed a bitter smile, "Su Yin, I always bring you problems."

Su Yin spoke soothingly, "Xiaobao, I'll figure something out. I’ll drive him away with minimal impact."

Xiaobao shook his head, "Su Yin, I... I and the Jin family owe you too much. I know it's difficult for you, and you shouldn't take risks for me. I always cause you trouble, like when you sheltered Xiao Yu, and now this... I’m just... useless..."

Su Yin frowned, raising his voice slightly, "Xiaobao, what are you saying? Why talk like you’re an outsider? I have many concerns now that prevent me from taking action against him, but I will definitely..."

"Su Yin!" Xiaobao exclaimed, interrupting him, his voice strained, "Su Yin, that's not what I mean. I understand, you've done so much for me already. I’m just... I’m just..." Xiaobao buried his face in his hands, "Su Yin... I'm scared to see him... Just thinking about him is painful. Seeing him makes me want to die. The suffering he caused me and the good times we had spin in my mind like a top, alternating back and forth. I'm nearly insane, I really can't take it, I'm afraid I might still have feelings for him... Why won’t he just let me be..."

A pair of strong hands rested on Xiao Bao's trembling shoulders, then the arms extended further to embrace him, and a calm, reassuring voice sounded next to Xiao Bao's ear, "Xiao Bao, I'm here for you."

"Xiao Bao, I'm here for you, and I, Su Yin, will ensure your life is peaceful and happy from now on."

After the day's upheaval, Xiao Bao had no appetite and skipped dinner, retreating early to the solitude of his room.

Zhao Cai called out to him several times, but he dismissed her each time. He didn't want to do anything but sit blankly on his bed, his mind a chaotic whirl like a carousel one moment and a blank slate the next.

Eventually, feeling his eyes burn and his head dizzy, he took off his coat and lay down in bed properly.

Xiao Bao thought perhaps he should leave Dali and let Su Yin hide him somewhere no one could find. If he couldn't face his troubles, maybe he could at least evade them.

But if he left, he probably wouldn't survive the winter.

And if he stayed, he might not make it through spring and summer without going mad. And what about his parents?

Xiao Bao sighed, feeling a heavy fog in his mind, his headache splitting.

A barely audible creak came from the window, but Xiao Bao, in his groggy state, didn't react at first. By the time he realized the noise, he also sensed someone was in the room.

It was a subtle sensation; he felt familiar with the presence, knowing that person was near even if he couldn't see, hear, or smell him.

Xiao Bao sat up abruptly, about to shout, but the figure in black quickly covered his mouth, their eyes locking in the darkness.

It seemed like a lifetime had passed before their gazes met again, the same eyes from his memories.

Only now, passion, longing, and sorrow had replaced the coldness and disdain.

Love and admiration, tenderness, were drowned out by rage and hatred.

Though they were breaths apart, it felt as vast as a boundless desert, and despite the intense emotions burning in his chest—whether love or hate—his heart was cold.

Huai En thought he was willing to pay any price to spend his life with Xiao Bao.

And Xiao Bao thought about the excruciating pain and hellish despair he endured over and over in the damp, cold dungeon. He had wished repeatedly that he would rather die at that moment than live into the next day with his crippled body and the reality that Huai En was only using him.