Outside The Lines (Interracial Romance)

Chapter 69

Copyright © 2020 Nicole Mckoy

Cecilia P.O.V.

As I saw Deacon and Josie kiss I felt like maybe I'd been wrong about Deacon this whole time.

Is he really a good guy or was that just an act.

Hell do I have any right to feel some type of way right now when he and I aren't even together.

I guess it's just the principal of it all.

I expected more from Deacon.

I got up from the table and went back inside.

"Cecilia wait," I heard Carson call after me.

"He's single I'm single. He can do what he wants I just wasn't expecting to see that so soon," I said.

"I get that and I'm sure he's pushing that hoe away as we speak. But come on now don't be a hypocrite," Carson said.

"How am I being a hypocrite?" I asked confused.

I stood by the kitchen counter as Carson stood across from me.

"How many guys has my brother had to watch you date? How many times has he had to watch you pick someone else over him? Give him the benefit of the doubt," Carson said.

"I never thought of it that way. You're right," I said.

"Deacon's smart he's not into girls who are easy. Trust me he's turning that hoe down," Carson said.

"The thing is I don't think she's a hoe. She's just going through stuff.... We all are," I said.

"Still she shouldn't be throwing herself at guys she's just met. It's not attractive," Carson said.

I nodded.

Carson came over to me and pulled me into a hug.

I wrapped my arms around him as I buried my head in his chest.

As Carson and I hugged for a moment I heard what sounded like the screen door open then I heard someone clear their throat.

I slightly pulled away from Carson and turned back.

I saw Deacon standing in the doorway and his look seemed intense.

"Cecilia can we go somewhere and talk in private," Deacon said.

He stated it like a question but his tone let me know he wasn't really going to take no for an answer.

I nodded.

I pulled away from Carson and Deacon and I walked out of the kitchen. My father's office was just down the hall so I took him in there so we could talk privately.

We walked into my father's office and closed the door behind us.

I stood awkwardly as Deacon stood across from me awkwardly as well.

"So what did you want to talk about?" I asked breaking the silence.

"Well first off I hope you know your new friend is not my type... that kiss just now was all her," Deacon said.

"Deacon you're single she likes you it's fine," I said.

"Is it though? It's fine I kiss another girl when you know my heart belongs to you," Deacon said as he took a step towards me.

"Does your heart belong to me? I talked to Carson and he told me you spoke with my dad and he doesn't approve," I said.

"Carson has a big mouth," Deacon said.

"No Carson told me what you should have. Look I don't care if my father doesn't approve. He doesn't decide who I do and don't date," I said.

"Cecilia I'm not trying to disrespect your dad," Deacon said.

"I get that but my dad can't control who I fall in love with," I argued.

"Cecilia you confuse me. I tell you how I feel and you kind of seem to feel the same way yet you push me away. Then when you see me kiss another girl you get upset but say you shouldn't," Deacon said.

"Deacon I'm in no space to start up anything romantic with you," I said.

"Why because it would be long distance or because you don't want to ruin our friendship? Cecilia those are just meaningless excuses! What is the real reason I'm not good enough for you?" Deacon asked.

"Deacon you're more than good enough for me. I'm the one not good enough for you," I said.

"And why would you say that? Hell why would you ever even think that? Cecilia you're perfect. You're everything I could ever want in a woman," Deacon said as he took a few more steps closer to me.

"Deacon you deserve someone who isn't damaged," I said frustrated.

I leaned back against my father's desk as I let out a sigh.

Deacon just doesn't get it.

How can me an HIV positive girl ever give him what he deserves? We can't have sex, we could never make babies, he would have to jump through too many hoops to make something work with me.

He needs a girl that doesn't have all these issues. A girl who can give herself to him fully without a second thought.

"Cecilia we all have our shit. I don't judge you for your past. I know you've had a rocky road lately and I see how you've come through all that messed up shit and are still the gorgeous girl I know you to be. Cecilia I love every part of you. Every flaw. There is nothing you could do or say to make me change how I feel.... My love has no boundaries and it's completely unconditional," Deacon said.

Deacon closed the space between us.

We locked eyes as he took my hands in his.

I wish it was as easy as Deacon was making it sound but it wasn't.

Once he knew what I had he's love would have boundaries and be anything but unconditional. There is no point in opening up to him about something I know he'd never be able to accept. Hell I didn't even want to put him through trying to accept it.

I'm protecting him. I'm protecting myself.

I'm doing what's best for the both of us.

"Look Josie is a nice girl but very forward. Just tell her you aren't interested if you aren't. As for you and I... Deacon I need you to go back to New York and forget these feelings you have for me. I need you to open your heart up to a woman who can open her heart up to you the same way. I will never be able to love you the way you deserve. I will never be able to give myself to you the way a woman should give herself to the man she loves. Trust me us not being together is truly for the best," I said.

"No," Deacon said as he licked his lips.

"What do you mean no?" I asked.

"I mean no I'm not accept that. I'm not accepting your bullshit excuses Cecilia. I'm not going to let you push me away. I know what I want I know I can't make myself love someone else. All I've ever wanted and will ever want is standing right in front of me and I'll be damned if I walk out of here without you accepting that and accepting me. I don't know what the future holds and maybe we won't be together forever but I know I can't just not try. I want this.... I want you Cecilia Atwood and damn it woman I got a gut feeling you want me too," he said.

Without hesitation or another word Deacon grabbed my face and kissed me.

His hand was on my cheek as his soft lips were pressed against mine.

Fuck his lips felt good... his kiss was so passionate.

In all the years of knowing each other Deacon and I had never once kissed.

This was our first kiss and I couldn't lie it just might be the best kiss I've ever had.