Reviews Corner-on Request

Review by thenameisfoureyes

EdwinBrown9January 2016
First things first, it's amazing how you can seem to almost write anything about everything. You're blunt and straightforward, which is both an advantage and disadvantage in your poetry.

-your construction or writing, as I suggest, can be further improved. Use stanzas and linear arrangements. No spaces after each line unless you are beginning another stanza. The ideal, even for a freestyle would be four lines in a stanza. You can, however, make it into a sonnet with fourteen lines in a stanza. It would be more organized and appealing to the reader.

-start the idea with something light and end it with a heavy blow. I noticed in your poems, especially Absolutely and Power, in which the ideas are powerful, that it has been started with a heavy intro and it went like that through the end. And by the end, the reader was kinda left hanging. Each story is a story, and like a stroy, it progresses from the intro to an ending.

-Make use of more than one word in each line. I noticed that you had a habit of writing one word in a line, followed by another, then another, before you write a long line. Those words could be compressed in a single line as long as they indicate or suggest a single point. Example:

For their secrets were of great power,
To keep their silence, they had chosen.
In all of time, it had remained,
Avoided, hidden, and forgotten.

-I encourage the further use of personification and symbolism. Try stating the views in points that are not of your own but as if the concept of death, power, etc., had been talking.

-There were some errors in terms of the spelling and use of words but nothing that cannot be improved throughout.

I'd give the book 3/5. I hope you finish your poems too. You got great ideas, pursue it.

I hope this helps. Please continue writing and you might wanna send us a copy of your revised poems afterwards.

In behalf of aratsgroup,

Yours truly,

thenameisfoureyes