Reviews Corner-on Request

The Onerous Royal

Author: RimmalHussain
Reviewed by: RandomWriter1209

Title of the story

'The Onerous Royal': Whilst this title gives the reader a brief and small idea about the content of the story, I feel like it could be developed some more. Titles are often a key aspect in attracting an audience to your work so it's very helpful to make it as exciting as possible.

Also, the word 'onerous' is quite a complex word and may cause some confusion to some reasons (it may be me being stupid, but I didn't really know the definition until I searched it). In my opinion, simpler vocabulary would improve the title.

However, I do understand how hard it is to come up with an effective title so I think that it's still quite good.

Rating: 3/5

Cover

I'm not saying the cover is terrible, because I've seen worse, but it could definitely be improved. You may find it appropriate to replace the current image with another one of better quality. However, the main change should be to include the title of the story and the author's name (your username).

I'm not very good at making covers so I understand how hard it can be to produce an amazing one. However, there are many people on Wattpad who will be willing to make one for you which has a much better quality. I suggest that you look into one of these accounts.

Rating: 2/5

Preface

The preface, on the whole, is quite good. I like your use of questioning to engage the audience. And the ending "Find out what would happen in their lives". This encourages the reader to open the book and read. It also successfully introduces the main characters (Victoria and Jackson) briefly.
However, what may put potential readers off is the grammatical errors. Some part don't quite make sense. For example "Born with a golden spoon, is not happy with her royal life". I do understand what the sentence is saying but there's a few words that need swapping around.
Despite this, the ideas and intentional content of the preface is good.

Rating: 3/5

Plot

Because the books, so far, is only four chapters long, I haven't been able to discover much about the main plot. However, from what I've managed to gather, it is about two famous Royals (Jackson, a troublesome boy and Victoria, an intelligent and beautiful girl) who's hectic worlds collide. Jackson is the stereotypical 'rich boy' who is extremely big-headed and selfish (at least, that's how he's portrayed to me). Victoria, however, is the opposite - a kind girl who is very dedicated to her school work and developing her intelligence.

As your story develops, I hope that you will enable the readers to feel connections or bonds towards the characters.
Also, I think it is always a good idea for a character to have a negative side of them. After all, nobody is perfect. I feel like there's a lot of weaknesses in Jackson (such as the immaturity and selfishness) however, I've failed to see any in Victoria.

So far, what I've learnt of her is that she is rich, goes to a fancy school and is extremely beautiful and intelligent. In order for readers to feel a connection towards the character, it may be helpful to provide a weakness which the reader and character would share. For example: Victoria, despite her air of gratitude and confidence, could be very unhappy and have low self esteem for herself. This is something that a lot of your audience may relate to. Of course, this is only a suggestion.

The plot itself is very unique and original, showing a lot of thought put in to your writing.

Rating: 3/5

Recommendations

~The spelling and grammar in your work could be improved. If you're struggling with this, there are some people on Wattpad who will willingly edit your work for you.

~Remake your cover to something more eye-catching and interesting (again, you can find a cover-maker on Wattpad to do this for you. If you want any suggestions, feel free to pm me and I'll give you the usernames of some people who can do it for you.)
~Develop the characters so that the readers are able to relate and connect to them.

My Personal Opinion

I think that this book has an very good, strong start. The characters are interesting and, even though there isn't a lot of content yet, I can see the plot developing amazingly. I hope that you keep up the good work and continue to update. The main thing I would suggest to alter is the spelling and grammar. However, I have read your author's note which explains that English is not your first language. Therefore, I understand that it can't be perfect. Other than that, I think its good! Well done!

Overall Rating: 3/5

I hope this review has helped you and I wish you the best of look in writing your story.