Reviews Corner-on Request

Review by thenameisfoureyes

MehnazTabassum Dear Tara

The story was indeed a phenomenal work of art for a lot of reasons. From the way it was written, the plot twists, Tara's realistic emotions, and the unexpected ending; everything was superb.

Personally, I am not used to giving feedbacks for books written in prose but I hope the following observations would justify my first trial. It is not my intention to offend anyone and these are just advices that I think might help you throughout your writing.

What sets this book apart from the regular reads is the fact that it's a risky piece of work even from the start.

Among Wattpad users, the use of the first person point of view is a horror in itself for it is really challenging to be able to portray all the necessary emotions through a single point of view but you were able to convey it all. From Tara's emotions (as carried on through her point of view) to Navin's (due to how he wrote the letters and the vibe it gave Tara).

Also, the vocabulary was simple, making it easier for people to understand. It was for the general mass and not too vulgar on the steamy scenes which was fit for more conservative and younger readers. Moreover, I imagine a huge amount of the readers to be from South Asia and that the use of simple vocabulary makes it easier for some to understand. Furthermore, it was also able to enlighten the other readers about the Bangladesh culture and way of life.

Each chapter presents something to look forward to in the following parts. This is one of the greatest strengths of the story. Though each one holds a slight hint to what will happen on the next chapter, the following chapter exposes more which (despite offering solutions to some of our predicament regarding what kind of person Navin is) gave us even more questions.

The plot was risky and unique. You were able to pull it off but I do think that it could do more. I, therefore, offer these suggestions for the betterment of your writing, and overall, your story.

-expansion of the descriptions through the addition of dialogues. Some paragraphs gave us only vague impressions of the environment and feelings of the other people involved in the story. I suggest make use of dialogues which indicate intense feelings and back them up with strong descriptions. Let me give an example using the confrontation scene Tara had with her mom.

"We need to talk," Ma's voice held intensity that made me open my eyes immediately. I looked at her and the sight made me swallow an invisible lump on my throat. Her eyebrows were furrowed while her cold eyes were tightly fixed on me, boring deep through my soul. Her usual calm demeanor is now replaced with seriousness.

-Anpther technique which you could make use in writing is trying to use less commas and segregating the clauses instead of crowding it in one sentence. This makes the sentence more organized and look more appealing. You can also remove parts that are expresses redundancy and are self-explanatory.

It meant, as I had anticipated, that the guy himself had left the letter here or he had gotten someone else to do it when I was relieving myself in the bathroom.
This can be rewritten as
It meant that the guy himself had left the letter here. Or had probably gotten someone else to do it when I was in the bathroom. (no need to specify what she did in there since it was already known as based on the hints about the coffee etc.)

-The grammar is good, but I think it can be improved further. Try to keep your tenses consistent from all throughout. Do keep in mind that when Tara's thinking, everything shoul be in the present tense. Moreover, I noticed a statement which expressed your confusion in this.

How did you find one single guy living among millions of people in a huge city, that too when he didn't want to be found?

This can be rewritten as (and using my earlier suggestion before this)

How do you find a sigle guy among millions of people in a huge city? Especially if he doesn't want to be found.

-Intensify Romance with Adnan. At the start, the petty crush Tara had for Adnan was really cute. It makes the readers giddy and relatable. However, the romantic vibe quickly diminished as soon as they dated.

-Tags. This gave it off. The moment I had read the Paranormal tag and the letters came, I already figured out how the plot will go lessening the element of surprise. I suggest remobe the Horror and Paranormal tag.

Moreover, despite being done in 14 hours cannot be considered as a short story due to the fact that it contains too many chapters. I suggest for you to drop that tag.

-Ending. I recommend for you to write an epilogue where Tara and Navin's mom get together in good terms. Additionally, it'll be better if she could be given another chance at love (maybe Navin's reincarnation or something) or probably another guy. Furthermore, the idea of Adnan being behind bars thrills me. (Just saying xD)
Overall I'll give this 9.5/10

Anyways, that's all for this review. I hope it helps and again, I do not intend to offend anyone by this. I love your story a lot and I am looking forward to more. I still can't believe that a wonderful story such as this took only fourteen hours. Thank you for allowing us to make use of your story for our review contest.

In behalf of the aratsgroup,

Yours truly,

thenameisfoureyes