Reviews Corner-on Request

Review by thenameisfoureyes

@sasminagurung
Perks of Being Lonely
First, let me state how honored I am for getting a personal request from one of the poets here. It's such a pleasure to be trusted with this.

The best thing I like about your book/poems is the concept and progression. It starts dark but as they say, there is a light at the end of the tunnel. The fact that these poems are created in order to express your feelings and that they were able to depict what you had went through, impresses me.

However, I noticed a few weak points.
-there is an inconsistency with the way you write your stanzas. Some of them have four lines then the next would be longer or shorter. It would be better if you would stick with a specific number of lines. As much as possible, keep the linings in even numbers. It also increases the sense of balance in the poem.

-rhyming and balance; i've noticed that on your earlier poems, some of them lacks rhyming but you were able to improve them on your other poems. It can be done in different ways, it could either be through homonyms or just by the way they are spelled. Furthermore, the balance can be improved in terms of the length of the lines, some of the lines were shorter while the others are too long that the shorter ones look like they are only half of the longer one. You can improve this by reusing words on one line.

Example
In the darkness of the night,
I was lost, I was blind.

-Contrary to the last comment, I suggest avoid reusing words at the end of the line. As much as possible that is, however, you can reuse one to two lines in the opening stanza to in a later line in your poem.
Example
I.
Forgive me father for I have sinned,
Of your expectations I fell short.
Forgive me mother, please, I beg,
For what I am is not of worth.
II.
Forgive me father for I have sinned,
My heart has beaten not for a man.
Forgive me mother, please, I beg,
Because I love a woman same as I am.

-Lastly, the lack of punctuations can be improved. Just keep in mind that in poetry, two lines can be an equivalent to a sentence while a whole stanza can be seen as a paragraph.

So there it is. I hope you continue to write more poems because I'm honestly moved by your work. I hope you like this review. :)

Yours truly,

thenameisfoureyes