Reviews Corner-on Request

Stranded

Author -Kiara786786

Reviewer - Fallingstars99

Title- To be honest, on first look your title reminds me of stranded movie, lol. But that was a horror one.
Anyways, meaning of stranded perfectly suits your story, so title is perfect.

Rating- 5/5

Cover- Cover doesn't gives that mysterious aura which is generated because of story. And also your name is missing! Which is not professional at all. I will suggest you to change it. Contact our cover maker xhuzaifaahmad

Rating- 2/5

Preface- as I said in private message, I've written it for you in an edited form because it was all messy and you wanted me to focus on it, so I will send you by pm!

No rating.

My POV-

It's been a long time, I had read such kind of plots and it was refreshing for me to read it. These days the trend are love on vacation, I liked the idea of deserted island and everything, so full marks goes there to you.

Your character, Alex seems a hottie the way you described his blowing hair in second paragraph of first page.

I liked the way you created mysterious aura around Blake and his companion. And made us first doubt them. Ship explosion is also written well.

Rating for plot- 4/5

Suggestions-

1) I feel like you are rushing a bit, like take moment to describe you characters. It's okay that you added cast but as it is said ( idk if is said or not 😛) express the characters so that readers can visualise them.

In first chapter, like if you are portraying Sabina, write like,
What you wrote- "she was few years younger than me. Average height. Shoulder length brown hair."

What I suggest-

"As I went back to my spot, my eyes caught the sight of a girl, probably few years younger than me, standing closer to the edge. Wind rustled her brown hairs as she stood there reading a book.

This was just an example to show you how to mingle up sentences and express the characters.

Same goes with description of Alex and everyone in next chapters. Take your time to write how they look like. It makes the image in reader's mind more prominent.

Then the character back ground. Like I've no idea what their occupation are. As you started the story by beginning line

" finally a tropical getaway... Free from work"

Well the first question hit me was what work?

If you took a moment there, for example if he is some CEO.

"Free from signing off papers and all those hustle bustle of city. No double faced clients and customers. No seducing secretaries. Free from stress"

Again this is an example! My point is to take your moment to describe him if it's in his POV. In the first chapter, at least him. Then as you progress, tell about everyone slowly.

2) When you switch POV, add this

Sabina's POV ( before progressing to chapter content)

3) Dialogue writing. As I would call it most common and cliché mistake, add punctuation marks before end of every dialogue.

Example-

"Alex." I smiled extending..

"Hey. It's Sabina, nice to meet you." She replied, her green eyes stared at me intently ( see what I did here? 'Boring' word there doesn't fit there. Use some other synonym)

4) When you are showing explosion :-

"What in the name of..."

BANG (~~~make the bang word without '!' And in italics. It creates more effect.

I was cut off once more by another explosion near by.."

5) there are some typos and missing words here and there but nothing that couldn't be fixed. If you want me to point them out, pm me I would do that in my free time.

6) Read your chapter at least twice before posting it. That way you would know what you are doing.

Your plot is so nice, your story have a long way to go if you keep these point in mind and edit it.

Overall rating - 3.5/5

I hope I wasn't harsh 🙈🙈

Love,
star