Reviews Corner-on Request

Review by thenameisfoureyes

nainachibs I Wanna Be A Ballerina

First of all, this story/set of poems gave me goosebumps. The way it was narrated was so heartwarming. I loved the story. At first it was as if I was reading an intro to the Ugly Duckling turned to a Beautiful Swan especially in the part where the protagonist fell. But then something huge happened, she was helped up and she was able to find an inspiration.

The story went from the protagonist being uncertain until she became motivated but then the mood became sad again. Somehow, it felt as if it was a movie and the fact that it was based on real life really touched and saddened me. It made me love and hate the ending at the same time since it makes people realize that not all our dreams come true yet we should always pursue them.

The errors committed were mere technical mistakes which can be corrected. I hope the following suggestions will be able to help you improve your work.

-stanza. Try to be consistent with your stanza patterns. I also suggest to make use of the classic four lined stanza form. It'll improve the physical appearance of your poem and it will be easier to attain balance in poetry. If you start with a four lined stanza, every stanza should have four lines.

-balance. A sense of balance keeps the poem harmonious and beautiful. It also gives up the vibe of a well-organized poem. Make sure that the lines are close in terms of length. Ideally, the length of the first line should at least be 2/3 of the longer line. Try to maintain this all throughout the stanza. You can also combine lines that are too short to form a much longer line.

-punctuation. One of the most common and cliché errors in poetry. This can be solved by using comma on the end of the first line followed by a period on the following line. You can also make use of semi-colons but they depict a flush of suporting ideas. Kind of the main idea or generalization after two supporting ideas.

-rhyming. I noticed that the rhyming patterns seem to be off. The first lines rhymed but eventually it got lost as the poem progressed. It is understandable that maintaining the rhyming can be quite difficult. It is due to this that I advise you to place the rhymes on the 2nd and 4th line. Also, end your poem with a down-sounding word. Usually ending in -a and -o voice patterns.

-melody. You can enhance the melody through keeping the number of syllables between lines close. Moreover, lines having the same intonation patterns can also add to the melody of the poem.

-spelling and grammatical errors. I suggest you recheck your work before publishing in order to lessen the unintended mistakes. It is also advisable to get an editor to help you with this.

That's it for this review. Your story is sad and inspiring at the same time. I hope to hear your feedback regarding this review. Thank you for supporting us and may you continue to do so in the future.

In behalf of the aratsgroup,

Yours truly,

thenameisfoureyes