Reviews Corner-on Request

review by sasmina

Title: If you win you'll lose

Author: @Navikaur373

Book cover:
It's good but the author can use something more amazing and attractive.

Rate:2.5/5

Detail Area:

The detail area is so detailed that people can predict the story.
So I suggest you to use this.

In a bet,there's always one winner.
So one will certainly win and the other will loose.

Something like that..

Rate:2/5

Story line:

This story starts with a bet.
The main characters friends dare them with a bet.
Tyler has to make Vanessa fall in love while Vanessa has to stay away from him.

So they tried to keep up with the bet.

Rate:3.5/5

Problems:

1. Capital letters:

Your neglecting so much in capitalizing the letters,firstly start with your book title and re-check all the chapters.
There are so many words that need capital letters.

"I" should always be capital.

2. Spacing/paragraphs

You need to work on making paragraphs small.
And you don't use space at all which makes the chapter look long and tiring.

There's no spacing after each dialogue.

Example :

Hi, how have you been?

Well I'm fine,how about you?

3. Punctuation

Use of punctiation in some places is nice but in some place you placed it when there was no need.Also please use comma after punctuation in dialogue.

Example

"I'm so happy that I could fly",she said.

4. Unnecessary use of fullstop,comma and double use of exclamation mark.
Hello!!

5. Here's a tip for making your chapter 3: start of something new intresting

(Firstly I dont see anything starting up,they are not even friends so I suggest change the title)

Okay the tip,

I reached to the adress......
I saw a really huge modern style house ........
Then I entered the house,I was stunned.Such a unique and beautiful interior .......

Then tyler grabbed my hand and took me to his room.

His room was ........
(Hope you add something intresting in the dots)

Another thing in chapter 3

When he say's let do it
" Do what? ",I said

Then he did some weird hand sign

Eww what a cheap thinking....

Then she tells about guitar and he should say this

Oh !guitar I thought hmmm

Keep your thoughts to yourself,I said.

6. Use of words

Your words looks more like placed.
The words like babe,bitch,fuck you, sweetheart

Babe sounds so cheesy use nerdy

7. You changed the name at the middle,don't do that readers get confused.

8. I thought you changed the name so dont you think you need to edit.

9.I didn't like the chapter where her friend isa fights with her that whole chapter was wrong...

Personal tips:

I really lived the story idea however its the story I've heard or seen in movie alot so to make it more intresting, create moments.

And please being a writer focus on capital words,commas,punctiation and ise if semicolons.

Read your book twice thrice but as a reader not the author and then think like author....

I would definitely read this story after the changes so let me know and if you need ideas for the story Im there.

Overall Rating :5.5/10

Thank you

Love
Aratsgroup