Perfect. It is seriously beautiful and catchy. Personally it caught my attention a long ago.
Rating-5/5
Cover-
You know people says, don't judge a book by cover but they really do that. You really need to change your cover to make it match it with the title and amazing story line you have.
You can contact our group member xhuzaifaahmad for cover!
Rating-2/5
Preface-
The explanation is fine but you need to write it professionally and more accurately. I will make suggestion in recommendation section .
Rating - 2/5
Plot-
A NRI girl Sarah, who is going to come to India to attend medical classes meets her supposed crush Dave.
It's her journey to find herself and be independent.
Rating-4/5 ( one less because story is kind of in mid way. Otherwise it's perfect)
My review-
The best thing about your story is that it is damn relatable and accurate. How a girl feel talking to her crush, how she stalks him, it is really sweet. I liked the parts where she is keeping up with her schedule for coachings and drooling over Dave at the same time. That fb fake id thing is funny yet intriguing. I'm really liking it and will continue to support it.
Overall rating- 3.5/5
Recommendations:-
1. Cover - please as I said before, try contacting for covers !
2. Preface-
i) at the age of 16 not simply 16.
ii) desh stands for native country. Instead of writing she decides to try desh, Make it she wants to experience deshi over videshi.
iii) don't use '.....' In third last line. It kind of sets off the mood. Keep it simple and clean.
3. Dialogue writing and paragraph.
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i) don't leave space like " _Sarah
It should be "Sarah, where did you skittled away so hurriedly? I was waiting to talk to you!"
ii) After this line leave a paragraph before starting another dialogue.
"Sarah, where did you skittled away so hurriedly? I was waiting to talk to you!"
I was nervous. How I could not be, when that 'stare devil' .. .
I avoided his gaze and told Allen,
"I was ...and didn't wanted to disturb you." ( keep in mind which tense are you using)
iii) after a line and ending inverted comma, always remember to leave a punctuation mark.
E.g- "That's so unlike you Sarah,"
iv) never leave space before any kind of ','
E.g- "You are so used to ...talks,how come you didn't interfered us, that too when we .."
After this leave a space then start from Daniel.
That's all from my side. It will take you time to edit each chapter, although next chapters are better than this.
You are doing really great and you should keep writing.
BTW I'm attached to your story, one of the reasons is because my home name is Sarah and I'm too a medical student 😛
Keep writing and please try to work on recommendations, after your exams.
