Reviews Corner-on Request

Review by thenameisfoureyes

Shubhankar__13
All For You

What i like most about your poems, despite the short length, is the fact that I can feel the emotions. The pain of desperation, pain, and love. You provided good imagery through your ability to play with descriptive words. And yet, the words were simple, which served as an advantage because it enhanced the beauty of your poetry.

However, I hope you find the following suggestions useful in improving the quality of your work.

-stanza forming. It was noticeable how you frequently used two liners. I would recommend changing this pattern and make use of the classic four-lined meter. It is quite challenging yet makes the poem more appealing and it pushes the writer out of his comfort zone since it revokes the common sentence patterns in prose.

-balance. Balance in poetry is quite difficult to attain yet worth it. I suggest to keep your lines as equal as possible, with the shorter line measuring at least 2/3 of the longer line.

-rhyming. I noticed that you did great on coming up with rhymes. However, it gives me the impression that these rhymes had been put up just for the sake of rhyming. The rhymes were exaggerated so to speak. It is of this account that I suggest for you to resort in a complicated yet, beautiful way, to improve and add melody to your poetic creations.

-melody. As I stated above, there is a way of not engaging into rhymes yet making the lines melodious. Coming up with words having the same vocal intonation patterns is such a method. Take this stanza for example:
Forgive me father for I have sinned,
My heart has beaten not for a man.
Forgive me mother, please, I beg,
Because I love a woman same as I am.

Notice that the last words, sinned (with an -ee- sound), beg (with an -eh- sound) aren't too far sounding. However, 'man' and 'am' highlighted the melody for having the same down -aa- sound. The sense of balance as exuded by the stanza structure also added to the melody of the poem.

-the poem is a story. Thus, it is ideal that it follows a certain storyline; intro-conflict-resolution. I suggest for you to follow the same pattern. A poem with a light beginning, a heavy climax and either a light or heavy ending would always keep the reader hooked. That or you can also use a heavy beginning and decrease the intensity until you reach the end.

-common errors. Punctuation, spelling and grammatical errors can easily be corrected through practice and great editors. You can also reread each poem before posting it for you to spot unintended mistakes.

That's it for this review. I hope this helps and I hope that i haven't offended you in some way. For further clarifications and discussions regarding these suggestions, please feel free to send us a message.

Thank you for the continuous support and in behalf of the group,

Yours truly,

thenameisfoureyes