evliciouzz
Life or Death [Poetry]
What I like most about this compilation of poems is the intensity of the message incorporated in every single one of them. Hate, betrayal, pain, anger; so many negative emotions flow out making the reader cannot help feel guilt and at the same time feel the author's pain. The wprds were simple yet it held potent accusations which can be felt as if directed to the reader. At the same time, the readers can relate to the words making them feel and perhaps make them remember some instances.
However, I recommend for you to try take the following suggestions in consideration.
-stanza forming and balance. I suggest try to form stanzas containing four lines. As much as possible, try to make the lengths of the lines as equal as possible. I would recommend have the shorter line at least two-thirds of the longer line.
-rhyming. This actually makes the poems even more beautiful and appealing. It's challenging but reading it afterwards would be worth it. There are many ways to make rhymes. You can try having rhyming endings for the first two lines or have it on the first and third lines, or even the second and fourth lines. You can use alternating methods all throughout your poems.
-melody. The melody of the poem pertains to the beauty of the poem when read out loud. This is usually enhanced by the rhyming patterns but in freeverse poems, you could use the vocal intonation patterns as guide. Take this for example
Forgive me father for I have sinned,
My heart has beaten not for a man.
Forgive me mother, please, I beg,
Because I love a woman same as I am.
Notice the endings, sinned (ee sound) and beg (eh) gives off the same vocal intonation pattern; making it a good pair. However, 'man' and 'am' gives off the same ah sound making the melody better despite not rhyming.
-line writing. I suggest to incorporate at least four words in a line to make the line more appealing and making it possible to attain balance.
-punctuations. It is recommended to use either a comma (short pause) or period (full stop) at the end of each line. You can also use semi-colons when necessary
-spelling and grammar. This can be easily solved by getting an editor and rereading your poem before publishing your poem.
Overall, I'll rank your poetic prowess with a 3.5/5
That's it for the review. I hope I haven't offended you in some way. I loved your poems to be honest so please continue writing with your heart. Thank you for supporting our group.
In behalf of the aratsgroup,
Yours truly,
thenameisfoureyes
YOU ARE READING
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