Reviews Corner-on Request

Review by thenameisfoureyes

eternalleonine EsPrEsSo

The book, though a short read, is actually nice. One of which, my favorite would be "Random". However, I'll try to properly criticize each of the poems.

Alone....
-vague and raw. The downside of this work is the fact that it is so short and that without properly absorbing what the writer wants to express, the ability of comprehending this work is quite impossible.

There is a conflict but no resolution.
It needs more in terms of element. From the words to the rhyming and the construction itself. The point of this poem needs to be expanded. And based on the thought in this poem, surely, you can do more and improve this. Afterwards, you can then focus on more complex elements.

Random
This is actually my favorite because of the way you played with your words. However, this could be further improved by rewriting the poem and allotting one stanza for each idea. One for enlightenment, actions, pain, and so on and so forth.

Moreover, upon doing so, I suggest for you to try and lengthen your lines, but don't crowd it that much. You can play and converge two of your previous lines to make a single one. I hope you like this example.

Pain isn't unforgiving,
Yet healing is slow and curt.
Sting never resorts to leaving,
At every opportunity, it shall be seizing.
Mesmerized completely, all the way,
To the last breath, it shall stay.

You can use this method; it just involves reversing clauses in the sentence with the use of a comma. It's simple but effective and quite used among other poets. Do consider the other points I had mentioned earlier too.

Tears.
I know I said that Random was my favorite but I do think that the construction of this is as equally majestic. The descriptions are good making the imagery clear. However, it lacks in depth, each line is also too lengthy for a poem. You can further improve this by dissecting each line and reconstructing it into stanzas. Also, I suggest to keep in mind that a poem is actually like a story, and seeing how you ended yours, I believe it needs more on the falling action before the ending.

Overall, I find all your poems good, but each of them can be better. Please please PLEEEEEEAAAAASSSSSEEEEE add more to the first one because I can sense that the idea can be further expressed.

So that's it for this review. Keep up with the writing. Poetry is an art and just like every artist out there, from Da Vinci and Van Gogh, each of us has our own unique style. Continue writing and thank you for trusting and supporting the group.

In behalf of the aratsgroup,

Yours truly,

thenameisfoureyes