Reviews Corner-on Request

Review by thenameisfoureyes

Iris_thegoddess
I Miss You..
Your flexibility as a poet had been clearly evident in this piece. At the first part, it was funny and cute. The words were also able to produce a clear imagery. The vocabulary was simple and easily understandable that it is actually suited to be read by children. You were able to properly transcend the poem into being a happy one to conflicted and was able to come up with a proper way to end it.

You were able to mix an art, which is poetry, with a piece of your own heart. This is what makes this poem wonderful beyond words.

Prejudices
I find this piece entertaining especially the parts whenever you use "Reasons, my friend, not excuses". It was fitting and it really carried the poem. Moreover, it made a serious idea slightly humorous (I can actually imagine a stern sassy voice saying those lines to me while waving their pointer finger at the end of each word).

The second part, much serious, was very different. It exuded an aura of extreme frustration with the society. It was straightforward and the mood was different from the first poem. Yet it was equally beautiful.

The two poems were great in their own accord. Contradicting yet both of them shots through the hearts of readers making people think and feel. A good humorous start and a mind-slapping end.

The only thing I can point out is the correction of the title. Prejudice is a concept and is not unfitting to have a plural form. I suggest for you to remove the -s on the end.

Best Friends
The transcendence of the poems was really beautiful. It started off as happy and gave off that "nothing could go wrong" vibe. The words had a humorous touch in them making the feeling of happiness more evident. Then it was also realistic when a touch of regret and broken promises were added. It was sad and it made the reader hope for forgiveness in the end.
Moving forward, the effects of loneliness were also highlighted as the speaker moves out. The reader gets the same feeling of melancholy and sadness due to the words used. The description is clear and possesses the ability to not only make the reader imagine but feel the emotions as well. Also, the last poem gives hope for the reunion of two friends.

Your poems are funny, sweet, sad and hopeful. The roller coaster of emotions sends the reader spiraling over. The best part is the fact that this can be seen as a story as a whole and there's always something to look forward to in the next chapter.

BROKEN HEART SPEAKS..
Your poems in this book clearly depicted elegance in the center of such a negative emotion such as heartbreak. The use of contradictions, interrogative phrases, and strong imperative accusatory statements helped to display the powerful emotions. Bitterness, confusion, hurt, desperation and other emotions were clearly segregated in various parts and dissociated themselves from just the common perception of pain.

An overall assessment of your poetry has made it clear of certain points; some of which are to play to your advantage.

Your strengths involve the way you were able to make your poems tell stories. This made it possible for various emotions to be incorporated in certain parts as deemed necessary. Your story telling skills, mixed with poetry, has the power to produce such great works of art due to your ability in rhyming and wordplay.

However, there are still some aspects which you need and can improve. I hope the following recommendations help you to compose better poems in the future.

-stanza forming. It is advisable for you to stick to a specific stanza pattern. In some of your poems, the number of lines in the stanza was inconsisitent. Yet I noticed how it had improved in your later poems. This adds to a more appealing poem structure and shall help you sticking to your plotline. It also helps in the progression of your poem from the beginning to the end.

-balance. It was noticeable that some lines were almost or are twice the length of the other ones. It gives off a messy and unorganized vibe. It is suggested for the shorter lines to be at least 2/3 of the length of the longer line. Moreover, keeping a consistent stanza pattern all throughout helps in maintaining balance.

-melody. Aside from rhyming, poetic melody adds to the beauty of a poem especially if read out loud. I suggest for you to read your poems orally and focus on how it seems to sound. Vowel intonation patterns help in making a melodious poem. Take this as an example.
Forgive me father for I have sinned,
My heart has beaten not for a man.
Forgive me mother, please, I beg,
Because I love a woman same as I am.

Focus on the last words for each line. Sinned (ee sound) is paired with beg (eh sound). Through alternate rhyming, these words, though not exactly rhyming, share the same -e- vocal intonation pattern which makes it a good pair. However, the words 'man' and 'am' held the key to the melody of this stanza. Last line melody is crucial in poetry. There are other ways but this is one of the most basic.

-punctuation. It is advisable for you to add commas at the end of a line and a period on the line following it. In having short lines where there are a variety of equal ideas, you can use commas to join the said statements. Keep in mind that a poem's stanza can be equivalent to a prose's paragraph. You can say that a poem's stanza is, therefore, equivalent to a two-sentenced paragraph. It is therefore crucial to be able to incorporate the main and supporting ideas in just one stanza.

-spelling and grammatical errors. These common mistakes can be easily fixed by finding an editor and simply rereading your poems before publishing it.

That's it for this review. I hope this helps.
Overall, I'll rate your poetic prowess with a 4/5 score. Please consider the corrections and recommendations. I hope I haven't offended you in some way. Continue writing beautiful poetry. Don't mind what everyone else thinks, always know that you're awesome.

Thanks for supporting us continuously and in behalf of the aratsgroup,

Yours truly,

thenameisfoureyes