Douchebag | JSchlatt ✔️

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⤿ January 20th, 2021 ⤾

The couple was huddled together on the sofa as snow fell outside of their apartments. John had his arm wrapped around Brianna as she leaned into his arm, her focused on The Princess Bride that was playing on the huge screen while John played on his phone, acting as if he wasn't at all interested in the movie while he was. She had leaned her head against his chest and listened to his heartbeat as one of her favorite scenes came on and she smiled a little more.

"Hey," John caught her attention and she turned to look at him as he clicked his phone off and slipped it into his hoodies pocket. Bri was also currently wearing one of his favorite hoodies because she had claimed that his were warmer then hers which made no sense but John just liked seeing her wear his clothes around the apartments or even out and about with each other. "Question."

"Hey, answer." Brianna grinned as she turned over so she was on her chest, looking directly up at him with a playful look in her eyes.

"So," John cleared his throat, his eyes moving away from Brianna then back to her. The snow was falling harder then it had been before and it was honestly beautiful. "Remember when we were streaming?" He asked and Brianna nodded with a small giggle at the question.

"We do that a lot darling." Brianna told him and he looked at her, a small smile appearing on his face which only made Bri grin more.

"It was like a week ago." John said as he thought back to the conversation, trying to pinpoint exactly what he was trying to talk to. Honestly he hadn't thought much about it until now but it had been living in the back of his mind since then.

"On the Origins server?" Brianna asked as that was one of the more memorable streams that she had recently done with John. Of course the two had done some Among Us streams and some streams that were also fun but the Origins stream had been clipped a lot and was pretty popular on her vods channel.

"Yeah," John nodded at the memory coming back to him clearer then it had throughout the week, the conversation less fuzzy in his mind as he thought about it. He looked back to Bri who looked back with mixed confusion and curiosity. "I was wondering what you meant by something you said," He trailed off and Bri frowned a little, completely lost as to what he was talking about.

"What did I say?" She asked carefully.

"You said that you didn't want kids." John summed up what she had said the other day on stream, closer to the end due to a dono that had come through. It had thrown him off at the time and had been on his mind since. He met her eyes and she tilted her head up a little more, unsure what he was asking. "Were you serious about that?" He asked and Brianna sat up fully because she thought she should be sitting up while having this conversation with him as it was something serious.

"Well, uhm," Brianna's hand went to the cuffs of her hoodie that she'd stolen earlier in the day and she fiddled with it. John noticed this and felt bad for making her nervous like this, as he knew it was a nervous habit of hers, yet at the same time it was a talk they needed to have and both adults understood that. "Yeah, sort of." She said with a small shrug.

"Oh,"

"I just don't think I'm fit for a parent." Brianna said as she looked down at the sofa, the lines that were stitched in suddenly interesting the girl as she traced her fingers up and down them in a way to escape her mind. "I'm a little messed up in the head and I just don't think that I have enough responsibility for that to be honest. I mean I barely have enough for myself, I don't know how I would have enough for a whole child who depends on me." She said with a weak chuckle without taking a breath. "I just don't want to be like my parents or to mess a kid up for life." She muttered and John could see that she was getting in her own head so he reached out and touched her hand lightly which made her look up at him, tears in her eyes as she met his.

"I'm sure you'd be a great parent." John told Brianna because he had seen her with children before but she didn't respond for a second. She only looked back down at the sofa they sat on.

"I don't know, it's just not something I want in my life, I guess." Brianna said softly with a small shrug and there was a silence that filled the room around them. After another second she looked up at him again. "Do you?" She asked as she met John's eyes again.

"Do I want kids?" John repeated the question and Brianna nodded a little, letting him know that she was asking him this time. He thought for a minute then nodded a little. "Yeah, I do." He admitted to Brianna because it's what he wanted in his future, the far future of course but the future for sure. "I want a future where I have little kids running around the house and as annoying as kids can be I think I could handle some of my own." A ghost of a smile appeared on John's face at the thought of that future for himself and then he looked at Bri.

"Oh." Brianna mumbled under her breath, her eyes going to the window which showed snow falling onto the window seal. They were getting a lot of snow this year it seemed.

"Yeah." John muttered and the two sat in silence, looking out the window at the falling snow as well.