It's always been you, April Kepner

little talks

i saw her standing there
season 9 ep 4

🎵Summertime Sadness-Lana Del Rey🎵

"think i'll miss you forever, like the stars miss the sun in the morning sky"

~~~~~

I'm an on call room both Madelyn and April put their scrubs back on "That was the last time. We can't do this anymore" April says pulling her top over her head

"No, no, we won't, because this is the last time, ever" Madelyn says doing the same

"Okay" April says as both girls stand up and face each other unable to move away

"I'm gonna get some coffee" Madelyn finally says

"I'm gonna go pray" April replies

"Cool"

~~~~~

Madelyn stands at the nurses station going over a patients case when her favourite intern, although she would never tell anyone, joins her

"You good bambi?" Madelyn asks when Jo who normally would talk her ear of much like Lexie did just stands their in silence

"Your brother has been making us do central lines all day" she sighs

"Oh. Well, were you at least any good?"

"Of course I was good, this is med school stuff" Jo whines

"Toughen up bambi, you're an intern. Get used to it"

"Andddd you're no longer my favourite attending" Jo says walking away

"If you say so Josephine" Madelyn replies with a smile on her face, a smile she'd lost since...

Lexie.

Madelyn sighs feeling immediately guilty for having even compared the two, she'd been doing it without even realising.

-

Madelyn decides to take a walk after being unable to stop the guilt from playing on her mind.

She goes to the one place where she can talk without being judged.

Her eyes scan over the name engraved delicately on the tombstone as she takes a seat in front of it

"Hey Lex, sorry I haven't visited in a while. Things have been hectic. Especially with me and April, I mean you can let Mark know April and I are uhh, well we're working on things. I feel really guilty about something, something I know deep down you'd tell me is so stupid but I just-I don't know. There's a new intern who is funny, awkward, adorable and chaotic, she-just she's the first person who has made me feel like there's something about this place that can still feel like home, like how it felt before everything. And I think it's because she reminds me of you, of course no one could ever replace you, ever. There's a part of me that hopes you sent her this way, and it was your plan for her to be apart of my life. If you did, thank you. I just, wanted to talk to you about it, you know keep you updated although i'm sure you already know what's going on in my mind. I miss you. There's always going to be a piece of my heart that belongs to you, so don't worry about that" she chuckles softly "I miss you so so much. And Mark. Tell Mark I love him" Madelyn sighs "I love you Lex, I'll come back soon" she says wiping her tears away and standing up. She looks down at the grave and smiles softly before heading back to the hospital.

~~~~~

Madelyn pushes April down onto bed as they both deepen the kiss

"This is the last time" Madelyn says through kisses

"The last time was the last time" April points out

"Yeah, but this is the last last time"

~~~~~

Meredith had asked Madelyn to bring Jackson and Alex so they'd could see her patient "Gentlemen, step right up" Madelyn says

"That's it?" Alex says looking through the window

"Okay" Jackson gasps when the real size of the patient's testicles can been seen

"That's not okay" Alex says looking traumatised

April walks out of the patients room "Oh, great. Karev's here. Here to make us all laugh with funny jokes about my hands on a man's parts" she says

"This isn't funny. That poor guy" he says still staring

April looks at him "I know. Can you imagine becoming so swollen that a surgeon needs to use a scalpel to dig out all that excess tissue until the testicles and cords hit the open air? I mean, who even knows what happened to his pen1s in all that mess?"

"That's not okay" Alex says leaving

"Nice" Madelyn says as she holds back her laugh

"My interns won't stop asking me why I look so tired" April says

"Why do you look so tired?" Mer asks making April leave quickly

"Are you tired?"Mer asks Madelyn

"Go to hell" Madelyn says walking away as Mer chuckles to herself

~~~~~

"You okay?" April asks Madelyn who is sat on a gurney rubbing her leg

"Yeah. I mean no. But this is the new normal so, I guess i'm fine"

"Can I do something to help?" April asks softly taking a seat next to the girl

"Oh, uh. I don't know actually, I still haven't figured something out"

April nods in understanding

"I guess you being here helps" Madelyn says as she shrugs her shoulders

April smiles softly at the girl, tucking a piece of hair behind Madelyn's ear so she can kiss her delicately on the cheek

"Then i'll stay" April whispers

Madelyn turns her head to meet Aprils eyes, after a moment they start kissing, Madelyn pulls away for a moment  "Want to have sеx? " she asks

"Yeah" April says desperately as they both head into the nearest on-call room