Smile

Forty five

Lilly at the top.

-

"And your not listening again."

I shook my head and looked back up at my manager. "Ugh I'm sorry Lilly, it's just a lot on my mind."

"Is it something going on with you?" She leaned forward.

I shrugged. "Yes and no."

"Okay Y/n, I'm going to be straightforward for a second." I nodded as she continued. "I've known you for six months now and I can already see the type of person you are. You care about your loved ones a lot, and that's great but, you have to put yourself first sometimes."

I scoffed. "Yeah this isn't the first time I've heard that."

"Because it's true," she reached forward and grabbed my hand. "Hey, your music career is literally just taking off and your not doing anything. I bet you didn't know that four of your songs are on the top ten billboard charts, with Love Lies being at number one. I bet you didn't know that Khalid, Camila Cabello, Kehlani, and Justin fucking Bieber have all called because they want to do a song with you. Shit Y/n I bet you didn't even know that your verified on Twitter."

"Oh shit."

"You told me before that singing has always been your dream, your living it and what? Your focused on everyone else?" She leaned back in her chair. "Now don't get me wrong, I have no clue what's going on or how important it is but, all I ask is that you put yourself first just for one day, and if after that day everything is fine, keep putting yourself first until you reached your limit. But if after that day everything turns to shit then, maybe your not ready to make music."

I bit my lip and looked down at the table. Have I really missed out on all this because I've been taking care of everyone else? It was worth it though, right? I mean Jasmines pregnant I can't exactly let her do that all on her own and Vanessa is literally traumatized, something I can help her get through because I've experienced something similar.

"What are you going to do Y/n?"

I shook my head and sighed. I don't want them to hate me because I promised to be there but, this is my fucking dream.

"I'll still have time for them right?" I asked looking up at her.

She bit her lip. "Okay I'm not your manager right now, I'm your friend. Y/n I really, truly like you. All the other so called "artist" I've managed before were stuck up assholes but you, your genuine and that's either going to fuck you up in the long run or help you out tremendously. Will you have time for everyone else? Definitely. Will you have the same amount of time that you usually do? Definitely not. But it's a risk you have to take if your serious about your career. Like oh my gosh Y/n, plus you can actually sing, do you know how long I've needed you in my life?"

I chuckled. "Apparently for a while."

She nodded. "Yeah, so, what are we doing?" She gripped my hand.

Would it be fair for me to continue my career when I fucked up Jasmines? If I asked her that she'd probably call me a dumbass and tell me to go make music but, she is the master at keeping her emotions a secret.

Put yourself first Y/n.

"Okay, but let's schedule it for a couple days a week."

"Yes!" She threw her hands up. "This is great, so let's talk business first." I nodded. "You missed four interviews, granted they weren't big people but, it would've still been some publicity so that set you back, but this next interview your set up for will boost you so high."