Jones

Ch 51

Every time I close my eyes-Babyface
All I Have to Give-Backstreet Boys
PAULINAS POV//

When I wake up for just a few seconds I'm completely unaware of what happened last night. When I look at the bruises on my arms that's when it all comes back. When I turn over I see Angie snuggled up under me. She doesn't know that I don't feel friendly for her anymore. She must be scared because of what happened last night. When I try to cradle her she jumps awake. "It's just me" I whisper and look at her. "Thank god you're here" she whispers and snuggles back under me. The words she just spoke make my heart flutter even though she doesn't mean them in the way I wished she did. While I watch her sleep nestled in my chest I start reminiscing when we met in sixth grade. Ever since then we were instantly best friends. Everything just came so easy for us but now somethings a lot stronger is occurring. She's making me feel feelings Isaac makes me feel. This isn't good. Is she meant to be mine? Do I want her? I can't that's stupid. I have a boyfriend. I know what you're thinking. I can't just all of a sudden be lesbian because my best friend gave me one kiss and now I'm catching feelings. I know it doesn't work like that. But what if her and I are supposed to be a thing? She's in love with Daniel but I'm in love with her and I always get what I want.
This is gonna be a long summer. I have so much to think about. Did Isaac break up with me? Will I have to break up with him? Will those two years we have go down the drain? I'm happy with Isaac but maybe I should just see how things go with Angie. No I can't do that to her. What if everything goes wrong. They won't. I have Jesus on my side.

At breakfast I take my usual seat between Isaac and Angie. He gazes over at Angie who is calmly gnawing at the granola in her yogurt. Shes quiet this morning but seems fine. I've never felt this much care for someone than I do for her. I care for Isaac but he's my protector. With Angie I feel powerful. Not in a bad way but I feel like it's my duty to make sure she's ok since I'm stronger than Daniel in any way possible. The table is awkward this morning. Considering half of us are traumatized and the fact that Daniel and I have our eyes glued to Angie without her even caring that were watching her like Hawks.

"I think we should talk later" Isaac whispers leaning in closer to me. Without thinking I tell him no and his eyes widen. He gives me an upset look and begins to mentally worry about me and our relationship. Without speaking I already know he wants to fix things before we get back home. When I turn away from Isaac I see Angie half way from her seat and heading for the elevator to go back to our room. I then think about it and maybe it's better Isaac and I talk about this so we have a decent vacation. He's my boyfriend. I love him. I have to. She's my best friend. She's nothing more than my sister. Something's wrong with me. This aching feeling in my stomach that's intertwining with my mind is internally draining my health. It's an indescribably feeling that no one would voluntarily ask for. Knowing I'm In a relationship with an amazing guy but also feeling love for my best friend.
Isaac and I get up and go outside. For the first time in two years we walk apart. He lazily walks in front of me as I follow in his tracks trying to relive our memories from when we first started dating and counting down the days when we will break up. We are the spilt image of what looks like a happy relationship but is really masked by the feelings brought upon us by others but expressed with anger and guilt. Because of that person.
"What's going on with you and Angie?" He asks with his hands on his hips. "Isaac you can't just ask me that question. She's my best friend" I say trying to toss away the thoughts of my friendship. "Paulina you should know that I want a long lasting relationship with you and lately you've been showing some pretty sketchy signs about Angie and I'm scared you're gonna want to try different things out. As in girls" he says and I can feel the heat pile up in my face when the words leave his mouth. I totally disregard the rest of the words coming out of his mouth because I just can't get Angie out of my mind. My feelings have become a lot stronger over the past few days and with all that happened we connected more. Isaac is beyond amazing but I want more than love. I want lust. With someone like me.
He grabs my arms and gently shakes me back to life. All I know is he asked a question and I bluntly answered with a simple no. I walk away from him with absolutely no feeling in my heart for what just happened despite how insensitive I've been. I go to my room and find Angie in her bathing suit sitting on our bed. "Are you ok cutie pie?" I nervously ask. Gosh I'm so stupid. Cutie pie? Really Paulina? That's so 2005. Hopefully she brushes that nickname off and answers my question. "Nothing. I'm going to the pool." She says and turns in my direction. When she looks at me my whole body feels frozen. Not Medusa frozen but Cupid frozen. I've been love struck. I decide to join her at the pool so I put on my suit.
She leaves our room without me and when I'm done changing I meet her by the pool. I put sunscreen on and watch Angie twirl around in the inflatable flamingo that sits in the pool 24/7. When she's done she gets out of the pool and runs over to me. "Hi hi" she says and sits down on my lawn chair. "Hi Angie." I say and sit up and give her my undivided attention. She turns her attention on me and stares at me with a faint smile to her lips. "Angie, sweetie" I say and try to put my hand on her leg in a friendly way. "Yes " she happily says. "You know I love you right and I only want you to be ok right?" I say and try to simplify my words as much as possible. "Of course I do, you're my best friend."she says and smirks the thought I'm trying to make deep off. "Well I just want to know if you're ok from the other night and if not if you want me to do anything to make you feel better." I offer and she pounders it For a while before answering with a doubtful "I'm fine". She then Throws the subject off course and asks if I would like to join her in the pool. I take the offer so I can bond with her. She sits on her flamingo and I sit behind her.
For a good ten minutes we float in the quiet pool with silence between us and once in a while a joke. "It's nice that we finally get to hang out in rio together. Not running for our lives." She says "it's been three years with you Paul's and I feel like I've known you my whole life and you know, Im just happy I have you to turn to when things get bad or I need you. You make me feel complete. Thank you for being my best friend." She continues taking deep breaths every few words. With tears building up in my eyes with invisible guards shielding them from spilling I hug her with most of my strength and think about how she was there when I was single and she'll be there when I'm single again. When the sun set peaks through the light blue sky we decide to head in. We go to up to our room and clean up for dinner.

I sit next to Isaac and tonight he's quiet. I know he doesn't want to break up but I still have to think about it. I might stay with him If I chicken out but if not I want him to remember that he was my first and he will always be in my heart. That's cheesy. He was my first and i'll always remember him. With all thought in mind I finish my dinner fast. Which allows me to go to bed soon. Angie is already finishing her second smoothie when I say I will be going to bed early. I won't actually be going to bed but I'll be going in my room.
When I get my room key to work the door unlocks and inside are Crystal and Kassidy.
They give me a confused look as if they didn't see me all night. "Have you been ok?"Crystal asks and I'm shocked. "I don't really care but Kassidy was concerned" she finishes and that's more like Crystal. "Yeah I'm great why?" I lie. "You've been detaching from Isaac we've noticed. Are you guys on the verge of a breakup? Kassidy asks with gossip ready eyes. "No Kassidy" I say and go into the bathroom.
I slam the door and let the tears I've been holding back fall. I don't know what to do anymore. It's  Isaac who is heartbroken because of me or Angie who is oblivious because of me. I can't chose because either one will have a bad effect. I decide to look in the mirror and use a wet towel to clean my face of slimy sticky tears. I look half alive once I change into my pjs and brush my hair. I walk out of the bathroom and everyone is there. Already ready for bed. How long was I in there? That doesn't matter. I just need to sleep. I get in bed and we the click of the lamp and a routine "goodnight girl" Im out like a light..

^^^^^^^^^^^

I'm woken up by a soft hand taping my cheek. "Paulina? Paulina are you awake?" I hear a soft voice whisper. I look over and see a frightened Angie sitting up using her elbow. "I am now" I manage to speak still with sleep in my system. "I dreamt about it. That night" she says with a now shaky voice. I can tell what's going one because she only refers to the kidnapping as "that night". "Come here" I say and she lays her head on my chest. "I want you to go back to sleep ok. You're perfectly safe now. You're in bed" I say and keep her close to me so she can fall back asleep.
I stay awake until I feel her heartbeat steady out and a slight snore come from her. I finally have the instinct to fall asleep knowing she's asleep. I think that was my sign telling me I had to start taking bigger steps.