Angel (Vince Neil, Tommy Lee, Nikki Sixx fan fic)

Chapter 36: Vogue Cover

I could feel my heart pounding in my chest and suddenly my vision started to blur and I felt myself getting dizzy with each blink.

I turned around, leaving Heather still mesmerized by Tommy, and stumbled my way to the closest bathroom. As I made my way down the hallway, leaning against the cool cinder block walls for support, I almost felt as if they were closing in on me, getting tighter and tighter with every step I took.

As soon as the bathroom door shut behind me, I sunk to the ground and put my head in my hands. I tried to close my eyes and focus on my breathing to bring my heart rate down, but nothing seemed to work.

I hadn't had a panic attack like this in years, but seriously... what the fuck? I'm two thousand miles away from LA and I'm still getting letters from this creep? Is he mailing them... or... or what if he's here?

I could feel myself starting to hyperventilate again so I did my best to force all of the thoughts out of my head and think about the one thing that made me feel safe: Vince.

He's twenty feet away from you right now. Hell, he's usually about that close to you 24/7. Calm down. You're fine I thought to myself, standing up and walking over to look in the mirror hanging over the sink. 

... but what about earlier today? I was alone outside for hours. No one knew where I was. I even thought about walking back to the tour bus by myself and just sitting in there until after the show was over...

A chill shot down my spine as I turned on the water and bent down to splash some on my face. I hated that I felt so helpless... and scared. I'd always considered myself independent and I loved spending time alone. I constantly made fun of Tommy and Heather for being so inseparable, but now all I could think of was wanting to be right up under Vince...

I looked in the mirror and felt like I didn't even recognize myself. I was terrified and that wasn't something I was used to. I hadn't realized just how heavy this whole ordeal had been weighing on me until now.

It had been in the back of my mind, gnawing at me and worrying me constantly and now it'd all seem to be boiling over... I knew I had to do something about it...

I have to tell Vince, I thought.

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Heather hadn't even noticed that I was gone for so long. She was exactly where she was when I'd left her, eyes still stuck to Tommy with a goofy smile on her face.

I stood watching them and took a swig from the bottle of Jack I'd gotten from the dressing room on my way back. I figured I deserved to get absolutely hammered for all of the crazy shit I'd been through today.

They finished their last song and gave a bow before running off stage and over to where Heather and I were standing. Vince picked me up, off my feet and twirled me around, planting a huge kiss on me when he set me down. He was always so pumped with adrenaline after shows and in the best mood... the complete opposite of how I felt right now.

We walked back to the dressing room and the boys were absolutely buzzing after performing so good in front of so many people. They were also relatively drunk from taking pulls during the show. I was right there with them, having drank almost a quarter of the bottle of Jack I'd been sipping on.

I sat on the couch silently, kind of staring off into space when I heard my name being called from what sounded like a million miles away.

"Heidi? Hello... earth to Heidi, do you wanna go?" I heard Vince ask from beside me.

"Oh uh... sorry, go where?" I said snapping back into attention.

"... to a bar, do you wanna go?" Vince repeated, furrowing his brows curiously.

"Um, yeah sure let's go." I said, eyeing the bottle in my hand and taking another swig.

We all got up to leave and head downtown, but Vince pulled me aside and sat me on the arm of the couch, standing in front of me and pushing a piece of hair out of my face.

"Is everything alright?" He said, looking down at me with a concerned expression.

"I-I..." I said trailing off. I couldn't find the words to tell him... I didn't know where to start or how to start or even what the hell was going on myself.

"I-I'm fine," I finally said, causing Vince to soften a bit, but he still didn't make any movements toward the door.

"I'm sorry about earlier, okay? I promise nothing like that will happen again. I know you didn't come all this way to be sitting around waiting on me," Vince said with a half smile.

"Yeah, no. It wasn't your fault, it's all good." I said, mustering up the best fake smile that I could and hoping Vince believe'd me so that'd he'd drop it and we could go out and get drunk.

He reached a hand around my head and pulled me in for a kiss. When he pulled away, he grabbed my hand, pulling me up from the arm of the couch and heading for the door.

"You're in for a wild night, I can already taste the Jack." He exclaimed, licking his lips and smirking down at me.

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We'd been drinking at some local bar called Cornerstone for hours. Nikki had left with some girls he'd found not too long ago and Heather and Tommy were making out in the corner.

I was sitting at the bar, on my fourth Jack and Coke, and waiting on Vince to come back from the bathroom. I'd barely said five words the entire night,  I couldn't sort through my thoughts. I couldn't process anything... it sort of felt like I was moving in slow motion... or maybe I was on autopilot or something. I just felt so numb and out of it, I cou-

"What's up with you tonight, Heidi? Something seems off?" Vince said, walking up from behind me and taking a seat on the barstool.

"Uh... I'm just tired I guess... and pretty drunk." I said motioning toward my drink and slurring my words slightly. I could feel my lips tingling and my head swimming and knew I should stop after this drink.

"... are we good?" Vince asked, his eyes darting from the drink in his hand and over to me.

"What? Oh, yes. God, yes. We're great, I promise." I said, setting my hand on top of his and feeling like a total asshole for being so distant.

Just as Vince opened his mouth to speak, the bartender interrupted us.

"Hey, I'm guessing you're Vince Neil, right? There's someone named Doc on the phone for you." He said, handing Vince the phone and walking away.

He looked over at me curiously before putting it to his ear and saying hello.

"Oh okay, yeah sure. She's right here." He said, handing the phone over to me.

I looked back at him with a quizzical expression and put the phone up to my ear.

"Heidi, it may be 1:30 in New Orleans, but it's only 11:30 in LA and I just got a call from your manager. She said you got the Vogue cover shoot! You'll need to fly back to LA in a few days and stay for a week. This is great press for you and for the boys, I'll-" Doc continued, but the phone slid out of my hand and hit the floor...

Go back to LA... back to my apartment... for a whole week... without Vince?