What Really Happens: NCIS

Chapter 78

Last night, was the loneliest night I ever had with company. Tim gave me sweat pants and a shirt to change into. He went to change in the other room. When he did that, I knew I had to put the pants on. I figured we weren't going to get intimate the rest of the time. I was right. The most intimate we got was when he kissed me good night on the forehead. He laid on his back, and I turned away from him because he already felt so far away. I didn't want to see him to prove myself wrong.

I woke up this morning to him bringing me coffee. It was homemade; I guess he didn't want to leave me again. It was comforting until he went to go get dressed, once again in the other room.

I chugged the coffee down because I was still feeling everything that happened yesterday. I didn't have time to think of my feelings, then feel numb. Loved the burning feeling it left in the back of my throat. It burned everything besides the memory of yesterday.

When I was getting dressed in the clothes, I wore yesterday he came back in and told me not to. He didn't want to put me through that. He let me wear my own pants and then a shirt and sweatshirt of his.

I didn't try to kiss him. If I did and he rejected me, I would have been broken. I would have crawled in the bed and not have gotten up.

I really don't know what's going on with him. He was fine with me while Sean was in his kitchen. I keep replaying the moment I was pushing him away from Sean and he put his hand on mine. Just thinking about his touch makes me miss him more.

"Peters. I am aware that you have a connection with the case at hand. If you find yourself wanting to help or learn. Mr. Palmer and I won't mind."

I walked pass the squad room because I didn't want to talk to anyone this morning. I got to the lab and Gibbs was there with Abby. He told me he wants me down stairs with Ducky and Jimmy the rest of the day, or until he says so.

Ducky's letting me sit on a table that has nothing on it. He and the bodies only know what has been on it before. Jimmy has been great. He's making jokes and having interesting conversations with Ducky. He tries to include me in them. I just keep zoning in and out that I usually have to ask them to repeat themselves.

When I hear Ducky's voice, I try to focus. He says the most interesting things. I don't understand most of what he says because I would need a dictionary for every other word, but I listen.

Ducky is heading out to lunch. Before he does, he comes over to me. "Peters, I understand what it's like to see someone you once knew and see a stranger when you look at them. You have to look passed the material things and the ones that surround them and look for the thing that controls all in them. It's nothing you see and it's nothing you hear. It's how you feel, how they make you feel."

I can't help but to smile at his wise words. I can't act on them since I'm trapped down here. Tim might not know I'm down here. I doubt he'll want me by the way he's been acting, but what if he does?

"So, Peters," Jimmy is still here. He's such a sweet guy. He's like a baby, innocent, sweet, and adorable. "You want to go get some lunch or something?"

I rather you put me in a box, stick a random address on in and send me there. Tell Tim I will miss him and think about him, but I did it to make everyone's life easier.

"No, I think I'm just going to stay down here. Gibbs orders."

Holding a brown bag in his hand, he comes to sit next to me.

"You want half a sandwich? It's egg salad with tomato." I love tomato, and egg salad. It sounds good, but I don't know if I can hold it down. My stress level could rise, and I'll throw it right up.