What Really Happens: NCIS

Chapter 84

I didn't think Gibbs would go for it, but he did. Despite not talking to him for weeks; Adam and Sean have been safe in NCIS. Terry was nice enough to give them some of John's clothes because she said she had no use for them anymore. The only thing Gibbs has given them besides a place to stay is food in the morning. Adam has been eating as if he hasn't been fed a proper meal in years. I can relate to him on that, so I don't judge.

They've really grown on Tony. They all like to play video games and quoting movies. The other day, I caught them watching the original Godzilla. At first, Tony was skeptical because he thought there was a point that they wanted to be a part of the gang. I told him Sean's story with only telling him a tiny bit of my part of the story. I let Adam tell his story on his own. Once Tony heard that his brother wants him out of the group and to be a different person, Tony grew to like them both.

Gibbs asked Adam if he saw a car that looked like it hasn't moved near the hang out. When Adam said no, Gibbs smiled because that means that Ziva was doing her job. We all didn't have any doubts that she wasn't. We just wanted to make sure no one noticed her not even once.

I offered to stay the night here with them, but Gibbs wouldn't have it. Neither would Tony but he knew I would listen to Gibbs first, especially if he said I could. They boys told me that they would be fine because they trust me. They knew I wouldn't put them in danger. I've been worrying them ever since this case started. I don't know Adam personally. I just knew he was pretty young to be a part of them and that he has potential to be more than what they will expose him too.

Tim wasn't doing the night shift that night and offered to dive me home. I told him I drove, but I had time for a drink.

He took me to this bar that I have never been to before. It wasn't filled with people, but the atmosphere was nice. The bartenders were nice, no one was sloppy drunk, and the music was at the right volume and genre.

"His dad bailed on him for his job?"

I didn't get a chance to tell Tim what I found out. I only told Tony and Gibbs who told Abby.

"Yeah. I feel bad that he chose the marines over his son. That doesn't give you a pass to hate and kill every marine you walk passed."

He shook his head and sipped his beer. He didn't seem to have a response to what I just said.

"How was last night?" I tried to change the subject from work to something else. Our lives have been so occupied with only work that it's the only thing we could have talked about.

"I could have fallen asleep, but nothing major happened." His mood changed when he took my hand. "I was happy I talked to you and talk things over."

I was happy too. The whole thing was a huge mix up. "I'm glad too."

I am, but not about everything. I wasn't really at the bar. I'm in his bed, wrapped in his arms while wearing one of his t-shirts. That's where I want to be. The bar will do because at least I'm not on a cold bed back at work.

If my house wasn't in the town the gang was then I would have offered that they both stay there. I wish I could offer more but that wouldn't help anyone. I'm relieved that the group has embraced them. I think Ziva would like them. I don't think she's met them yet.

I kept staring at Tim like he was miles away. Isn't it weird how life works? You're given an amazing experience that you know will come to an end. You know that it's coming and when it does, it doesn't hurt any less.

He's looking back at me. He's trying to figure out if I'm zoned out or just staring at his handsome face. I'm doing both to be honest.

"I really miss you Tim."

This is the situation that sucks. Us not being together because of a rule. I hate that Gibbs told him to be my body guard. I wish I never knew what it was like being with him because now it's all that I want.

"Hey, don't say it like that." Whenever I'm stressed out about rule 12, he knows that it's serious and always comforts me with his words. "I don't know how long it's going to take us before we can come clean about us."

I know we don't. We never will until we approach Gibbs with it.

"There was a time when Gibbs had an agent that liked a girl in another team. He didn't like it. She was in another team and he kept reminding him about rule 12. You should have seen his face when things didn't work out."

"He was happy?"

"No, he hated it. He warned them about it so they would stop seeing each other. He hated being right."

"Right about what? I don't understand."

He shook his head and bit his lip. "I don't know baby." It's annoying when he uses my weakness to calm me down and not focus my anger towards something. Sometimes I just wanted to be angry and show my feelings.

"I was fine with sneaking around at work. I don't really get to see you then anyway. But now, it's affecting us outside of that building? That's messed up don't you think?"

He stared at me with a shocked expression. I don't even think he blinked.

I was waiting for him to respond but he just stared at me.

"I'm sorry. I never heard you talk like this before."

It was because I was acting ridiculous. I say ridiculous things when I feel like I can't get the things I want. You should have seen me before I didn't have this job. Or any job at that.

He surprised me by kissing me in the bar in front of everyone. Not that we haven't done that at restaurants and bars before. It's just I was freaking out and he thought it was a perfect time to kiss me. I wasn't complaining believe me. I just wish I could have him closer.

"I miss you too. But you need to know that I am willing to do this. I want to have you than not. I want to know that the girl upstairs is my girl. I want to call my girlfriend every night. Even if that is the only form of communication, we do all day."

I remembered that I said something like that when we went to the city. No matter what happens I said that I would stay by him. I told him I would want to stay with him whether I am working there or not because we got caught. I remember saying that and I meant.

When I looked into his eyes, I saw that he meant it too. Just like that night in the city. I remember feeling like I was floating. The words he chose the way he held me. The way that he kissed me that night was different than any other time before. He's been kissing me that way ever since.

I didn't know how hard this would be until that moment. The way I felt like I lost him the night that I got my stuff and left. I felt empty laying in my own bed. I thought that nothing would ever feel greater than us being together.

I remember laying in bed thinking about how I would approach Gibbs about it. Would I ask a question first, or immediately tell him it's stupid? Would he tell me the idea of us is stupid without telling me why? Or would he tell me, and I would be an example like the couple in the other story.

Is it worth the pain? Is it worth acting like we don't know each other personally when he knows me the most? Is it worth thinking about him all day and not being able to express it? Is it worth constantly worrying about who will open the door on us at work, or who will think we are too close for coworkers and tell Gibbs? Is it worth all the stress?

He took my hand tighter, but I don't think he noticed. "Are you still with me?"