Dedicated @handerse
Plot and Idea: Out of the Box
Summary: 40 years before the events of "Aladdin", the mediocre son of a celebrated general joins forces with two scheming ambassadors and the young sorceror Destane to overthrow Sultan Talal Sayegh of Agrabah. By doing so, they set in motion a chain of events whose effects will be felt decades later.
This fanfic is driven by original characters, so you'll have the opportunity to get acquainted with some people you've never met before, all members of "Agrabah's finest": men of great ambition and notable talent, men of equally great ambition but little talent, and some remarkable women who - away from acknowledging eyes - turn the large gears of the great social mechanism.
These people raised a man who would grow up to be the Sultan Hamed. They also raised a man called Jafar, and a woman - his sister - called Mayyadah, though rumor has it, she goes by another name now.
These people set the stage for a young man to become famous, marry a princess, and rule the empire by merely rubbing a magic lamp. I invite you to find out how.
My Review: The cover needs some work. Ok, the story doesn't really keep my interest and that may be the same problem for others. Your really descriptive, but the descriptions aren't interesting either. There are also parts that do not make sense whatsoever in the story, its as if your thoughts are not finished or you add extra words that don't work with the story or mess up the word. You don't always have good punctuation, but your spacing seems to be good.
Your paragraphing is good and is your grammar though there are some debatable words. The capitalization is a bit much, but that may be because of your thoughts that you have cut short. And then from what I can see you tense is pretty good, but the plot hasn't developed yet.
Your dialogue needs some help. So overall this story isn't that good even though it has most of the things needed. It just really isn't interesting.
Rating: 6
Overall: Well written for the most part, but uninteresting sorry.
