Plot and Idea: Interesting
Genre: Romance
Summary:
Ruby Downs used to be everything, she was everyone's favourite person and a bully. She would bully anyone for the fun of it. All of that changed after her brother was knocked unconscious and now in a coma. She had to move schools for better health care and now she is the one being bullied. No one knows what happens in her life, she has walls so thick that no one can get through them. Until Billy Graham walked in. He's the school bad boy and the main bully, until he saw a girl get bullied and just walked off and didn't show any emotion, she fascinated him so much he couldn't let her go.
Now he has to figure this girl out. But the questions no one knows the answer to. Why was her brother in a coma? And why is Ruby in danger? Guess you will have to wait and see.
My Review:
Alright, to begin with you need a better cover. So lets just state that you need to definitely work on punctuation and story flow. The beginning of your book is so confusing and you have many double counterarguments for everything you main character says, which is very confusing. The spacing is alright though, but some of your paragraphs feel a little short. Some people follow the guideline of having 3-5 or 5-7 sentences in a paragraph if that helps. Alright so for dialogue that probably is the most confusing thing yet. The fact that the character speaking's action is not next to their dialogue makes it absolutely difficult to comprehend.
Here's a little way to fix it:
Yours: "Ah the new girl."
"That's me." She laughed.
"..."
Mine: "Ah the new girl."
"That's me."
She laughed, "..."
Now I will say you do have the proper capitalization. Though your grammar is incorrect and sometimes you cut of sentences in a way that feels like you lost your train of thought. The pace of your story as well is too fast and too much to take in. It feels as though you are dumping information down our throats, therefore you have barely- if any- description. But there is a plot there, you just need to properly build upon it, because there is so much you can do with this story.
Rating: 7.1
Overall: This story has many mistakes, but the plot is interesting enough to make me want to read the entire thing.
