Plot and Idea: Awesome
Genre: Mystery/Thriller
Summary: Alice Nightwalker lived a normal life, only for fourteen years. When she turned fifteen everything changed, her family died in a strange incident. The Barrier between Earth and Hell broke and ravaged the world. Demons and spirits released and roamed the world and the excess magic in the world was causing severe damage. While learning more about this and about herself, Alice's only resolution was to kill them all to reverse the effects. All while dealing with losing friends and new family. More problems appear with the ongoing fight between the Guild and Anti Guild, both corrupt in their own ways. So far her new friends Terrance, Jaspar and Anya are the closest things she has to family. In the end, though, nothing seemed to add up, and the magic world Aliäs seemed to be the only left, mysterious characters were never resolved.
The mentor, Death, has one last request after everything resolves. Alice has to stay in Hell as the last Gate Keeper. In her life Alice had realized something, Hell will only bring more Hell, there is no Heaven. The only prize to life was being able to look back and say you're stronger.
My Review: Alright, so the beginning of your story is really nice, but I didn't even know that the sister was in the scene until you said she was on her back. So that being said you need to work on that description. You story does flow nicely and you have nice grammar and capitalization. Your punctuation seems to be correct and your spacing and paragraphing are nice. You need more character development and more setting development. Try to make the first chapter more gripping; everything happening is great, but it's missing the basics of development, so the readers don't know what's happening. I also love your cover!
Rating: 8
Overall: Nice story, but lacks certain things.
