Plot and Idea: Interesting
Genre: Paranormal
Summary: Daria has eleven siblings. They hate her for an unknown reason. None of them ever left the house, but Daria had enough already. Now with a guard by her side all the time she plans for an escape.
Living in Gulyabani city where everyone is afraid of the hollow streets, a huge wall fence preventing the ghouls of reaching humans can be seen from miles and miles away to give you the creeps. Every year a ghoul makes it's way out and feed on human flesh, but it's been less deaths so far. . . But this year, Daria's 16th birthday won't be pleasant. What's out there? Why do ghouls even exist? Will Daria succeed with her plan? If so, what will she see that'll make her regret running away from home? most of all, what'll make her regret having eyes and wish she was blind!? A/N: THIS STORY HAS A LOT OF BLOOD SCENES AND KILLING, IF YOU'LL FEEL DISTURBED OR ANYTHING THEN DON'T READ.
My Review: The pace of your story is pretty good, but you need more description. I can read what is happening and sometimes I can envision it, but I can't visual very much (E.g. The intro). The grammar has a few hiccups here and there, but they can easily be fixed. Your tense seems to be constant, which is a very good sign, because switching back and forth (especially often) can be confusing. The cover could be better; it seems a little busy at first glance.
You do have a few punctuation errors here and there, but the dialogue and the paragraph structure seems to be fine. Your point of view seems gets a little confusing with the writing style you use, but that can be worked on. The character(s) seems to have a good development and the capitalization is somewhat good, just make sure not to over use it. Also, make sure the endings to your chapters are attention grabbing to actually get a reader interested enough in reading what happens next. Lastly don't forget your chapter length, some readers like to see a good amount of writing, which is easy if you work on adding that description more
Rating: 7.8
Overall: There are errors here and there, but not a bad read.
