Plot and Idea: Weird
Genre: Short Story
Summary: A creature that feasts upon lost souls has found another victim. With its deceiving ways and crushing lies, it controls a woman named Hope Summers. Like many, she was ensnared by the grips of loss. This gave the dark being a way into her every thought. It is up to this woman to severe the relationship with the entity. Will she choose to follow a path of paralyzing depression? Only time will tell.
My Review: So to begin your cover needs some work; when I say this I mean changing fonts and adjusting in a way for it to fit the story and look nice. The pace of your story is pretty good, though the tense at which you are writing is confusing at times. The description and your paragraphing seems to be pretty good, though your use of punctuation needs help.
The grammar is fine, though at times its written in incorrect tenses. The development is noticeable, but at times feels a little slow. Though this story is complete you can go back and fix the obvious problems. You actually do not have dialogue, but the sentence structure really needs work. The capitalization and spacing is pretty good too and the character you have is really interesting to follow.
Rating: 7
Overall: No bad, though it does need some work
