Plot and Idea: Seen it
Genre: Romance
Summary:
Rewritten, completed version.
[Undercover Story]
"Hey wait....! I can help you with that!" I offered while patting the white horse.
"Can you?"
"You don't believe me, do you?"
Sitting comfortably on the horse, I kicked it gently, grabbed the polo stick and grinned at Noah.
***
"Noah, why did y-you? I don't deserve this."
He pulled me closer and his grip around my waist tightened. He gently stroked my cheek, as his one hand travelled above my eyebrows. He tucked a piece of my wig-hair.
"Because Jade, I love... Holy shit!"
The next moment I saw my black wig tossed on the grass. My blonde locks came falling down and stopped at my waist. My fake glasses were thrown down as Noah took a step back.
"You - "
"I am..."
***
Zendaya and Noah go through the magic and mess of trust, friendship and eventually love. But when tons of secrets are exposed and Noah finds out the truth of Zendaya, will he forgive her? Many secrets, struggles, unexpected twists and jealousy comes in their way and then their love is at a test.
Will they pass or fail?
One lie can question all truths...
***
Book 1 of the "Secrets Hidden" Series.
(Can be read as a stand alone too)
My Review:
The cover for your book is very nice, but it doesn't change the fact that there are many mistakes in this book. The pace is top fast and the description is all over the place. Though your paragraphing isn't that bad, the grammar needs help especially in terms of tense. The main character is very bubbly and more childlike than teenager, so if that's what you were going for then you're spot on.
I will say that the dialogue isn't terrible and your punctuation is okay for the most part. But the development of your story needs a little help in terms of making sense to the reader. When writing thoughts, etc... you should use italics or bold so readers can know the difference and not question what is a thought and what is an actual narrative. The sentence structure is good sometimes, but some other times its a little iffy. Overall you need to work on many things, but strangely it gives off a sense of potential.
Rating: 6.3
Overall: I don't know what to say about this book; it isn't the best in terms of writing, but it does have a sense of potential.
